Unanswered Prayers

This post is going to be a little more personal than most of my others.

I know I haven't written in like over a month but after tonight I knew I had to document something.

Tonight I went to dinner with my brother and our friend Camille. As we were talking and laughing an all too familiar face appeared and then sat next to me. I was in complete shock as an ex boyfriend whom I dated for almost 3 years, was my first true love, and now a married man looked at me. But I couldn't look back at him. I honestly didn't know what to think. He wasn't there to eat with us, he actually was working at the restaurant we went to. 

My brother asked him how marriage was, how he was doing, etc. but I honestly had a hard time really focusing on the conversation. All I could think about was how long it had been since this amazing young man had even looked at me, let alone talked to me, or sat next to me. It was hard... he smelt the exact same, looked the exact same, talked the exact same, and even his hand gestures while he was talking were the same. The only difference was the ring on his left hand. 

I stumbled over my words as he turned to me and asked what I was going into for a profession. I only looked at him once. I didn't realize until after that I was looking down most of the time while talking to him. He soon said it was nice to see all of us, got up, and went back to work.

As we drove Camille home, I was trying to identify how I was feeling about the whole situation. I wasn't angry or sad. I wasn't jealous or upset. I actually felt peace and contentment. Seeing the ring on his left hand didn't make me sad or jealous that I didn't have one on my left hand. But I always thought it would. Knowing that he was going home to a gorgeous, sweet, loving wife while I came home to my parents house alone in my bed didn't hurt.... it made me happy for him... seeing him, talking with him, and sitting next to him didn't make me want to be with him again... and this was far from what I expected. I always thought that if I ever did see or talk to him again, it would be awkward and we'd avoid each other.

From this experience tonight, I've realized how truly blessed I am. How much Heavenly Father loves and knows me more than I can comprehend. And how truly grateful I am for unanswered prayers. I remember dating this young man and literally pleading with Heavenly Father to let things work out because I loved this young man so much and didn't want either of us to go through heartache. I remember during the awful breakup pleading with Heavenly Father to please take the pain away even if it was just for a couple seconds. I'm so grateful that those prayers weren't answered. 

It's amazing to me how well Heavenly Father knows me. I think the reason I feel so at peace is because although the young man I saw tonight is an amazing guy, he wasn't the one for me. I've had quite a few ex's get married or engaged in the last little while (one got married today actually) and some of these young men I've prayed to Heavenly Father asking to please keep them in my life because of my feelings for them. I'm so grateful that although they are amazing young men, that they've found others to be happy with.

One unanswered prayer that I think I appreciate the most is whenever I've had a breakup, or my heart is just aching so much, when I plead with Heavenly Father to take the pain away and He doesn't. Of course we have our Savior, Jesus Christ who knows exactly what we're going through and that has always helped. But I've definitely had to learn how to be patient. Back in high school, and even a couple guys in college have taken me years to get over. And it's not because Heavenly Father wanted me to be in pain. It's because I needed to learn something. And I've learned a lot.

I'm grateful for where I'm at today. No I don't have a boyfriend/fiance/husband. But ya know what? I'm happy. No, seriously. I really am happy. It brings a smile to my face to look back at all those times of complete misery and realize how much happier I am now that those prayers were unanswered. Guess the big guy upstairs really knows what he's doin eh? :)

Now to the normal stuff:

Living at home for the 7 week break has been good and bad. I've enjoyed spending time with family and I'm working at a warehouse called KSG. I'm getting nervous for school to start back up again but I think it'll be good for me :) I've had fun hanging out with Kira and my other friends. Jessica got married on Tuesday and that was definitely a fun day for me! Tinesha got married yesterday and that was fun to see her too! :)

I sure didn't write a lot with the everyday, normal things going on in my life but hey, there's really not much going on! :)

Sometimes we don't understand why we're going through something. But tonight was a big reminder that everything happens for a reason and I just need to have faith in God's plan for me. Because He knows me better than anyone or anything else. And I really really need Him and His beautiful gospel in my life. 

 

July 10, 2012

Wow, has it already been almost a month since I last posted?

Sorry guys! Life just gets so crazy sometimes!

Things have been ridiculously great in my life lately. Of course I have daily struggles and trials but life is just so amazing ya know? 

For the Fourth of July I was planning on staying here in Rexburg. We only had Wednesday off so I figured I'd spend most of the day doing homework. I found out on Tuesday morning that my early morning Thursday class was canceled. I called my dad after class on Tuesday around 5:00 and told him that I didn't have class until 11:30 on Thursday. He got really excited and asked me to please come home for the holiday. How could I say no to that? :)

When I got home I rushed in to my sweet puppy who greeted me with lots of kisses. It was so nice outside that I sat him on my lap while I sat in the porch swing on our back deck. Man do I love that dog. It gets harder for me to see him every time I go home though. I got Cocoa when I was 8 years old. His old eyes are becoming so cloudy and he has a difficult time jumping onto the couch to lay in his favorite spot. I even had to carry him up and down the stairs to and from my bedroom a couple times. When I left Thursday morning I held him and just cried. Dad tells me that Cocoa will be around for at least a couple more years. But for whatever the reason I just kept praying that he'd still be around when I got home at the end of the semester. Nobody has loved me as unconditionally as Cocoa has. Through all the heartaches, tears, and happy times, he's never let me down. 

I spent Tuesday night with my dad. We stayed up late watching TV together eating barbeque chips and Dr. Pepper. I loved every minute of it.

Wednesday morning I woke up to my best friend/brother Austin clapping his hands and saying "GET UP!!!!! It's 11:30!!!! LAZY HEAD GET OUT OF BED!!!" hahaha I must say it's so annoying at the time, but when I'm not home, I really miss it. I got up and got ready, then Dad, Debb, Maddi, Austin and I went to Wendy's. There's nothing more patriotic than getting some good ol' Wendy's right? Austin and I feed off each other way to much. If he has a comment, I come right back with a better comment. I punch him on the shoulder, run down the hall, and he chases me, doesn't even get a chance to get me back before I'm yelling "Daddy!!! Austin's being mean!" To which Dad yells down the hall "Austin, leave your sister alone please!" haha works every time :) I'm so excited to be home for 7 weeks to get to hang out with him!

We went to a barbeque at Grandma and Grandpa Wood's house which was a lot of fun! Then we went to mom's house and spent time with the rest of our siblings. The newest addition of our family Daxton is so stinkin' cute!! He's walking around and jabbering up a storm! It was so fun to play with Landon and Connor as well! 

I watched fireworks with some old friends from high school Carter Fawcett and Eddie Freeman. That was sure a lot of fun :) 

Thursday morning I made the journey back to Rexburg just in time to go to trigonometry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My life has changed so much.

Sunday was a very emotional day for me.

First, there's been some contention in my apartment lately. 

This has been really difficult for me and I've learned a lot from it. 

I've learned that it doesn't matter what's happened in the past, it doesn't matter how somebody else acts, it doesn't matter how somebody else treats me. All that matters is how I act, how I treat others, and continue to be the best person I can be every single day. I can't control how others treat me or how other people feel about me. All I can do is love them, do my best to serve them, respect them, and help them in any way that I can. 

Sunday morning I walked into Relief Society with so much contention in my heart. I prayed but the bad feelings didn't go away. The feelings were so overwhelming that I couldn't stand them. I got up, tapped my roommate Jaqci (who is also the relief society president) and the shoulder and asked if she'd talk with me in the hall. We talked for a little about how I was feeling and told her I needed the Spirit in my life. So after relief society my roommates and I went into a classroom and talked through some things. Not everything was resolved but I didn't feel as badly as I did before. 

I was able to take the sacrament and renew my covenants with Heavenly Father. I learned so much from the speakers, and later was able to get a temple recommend. 

Later that night a friend of mine asked if I wanted to get together for a while. So while I got ready I listened to a talk by President Monson. I got this idea from my roommate Jaqci. Did you know that you can download tons of talks on itunes for free? Listening to talks throughout the day has helped me so much. Whether I'm getting ready, cleaning my room, or driving, the more I listen to church talks, the more the Spirit stays with me. I currently have 199 talks downloaded :)

I had a fun time hanging out with my friend and talked with Jaqci a little when I got home.

I woke up feeling very discouraged today.  I didn't like what I saw when looking in the mirror. I didn't have much time to get ready for class. And it took everything I had to move along with my day. All day long I couldn't stop thinking about dating. I kept thinking, should I be dating right now? Am I ready for it? I haven't done much dating at all since December. I really am okay being alone most of the time. I'm pretty independent and am simply content. I think the reason why it was on my mind all day was because I had a dream last night I was dating someone. It was really nice. Sigh.... all I know is that when everything is supposed to happen it will, and as long as I'm living the gospel, everything will be okay. I'm not worried about it :)

I'm so grateful for the blessings and trials that I have. Just little things like having a bed to sleep in, shoes to wear, clean water, and modern medicine are such amazing, wonderful blessings. Trials as simple as being discouraged when I look in the mirror, having trouble with my math homework or trials as difficult as death of loved ones, family members and friends straying from the gospel, and heart ache teach me so many lessons that Heavenly Father wants and needs me to learn. 

I was thinking this week about the life that Christ lived. Christ had so many that disliked Him, criticized Him, and even crucified Him. But through all of this did He ever once say a single mean word to anyone? Did He gossip, lie, or give up? No He didn't. It's difficult for me when people do or say mean things, and I want to retaliate but then I think of Christ and am striving to be more like Him. Of course it's something that I have to work at daily but it's always wonderful to keep it in mind. 

Another wonderful thing about Christ and His life that helps me strive to be more like Him is temptation. Sometimes my mind wanders. Sometimes I think about how my life has been in the past or something that I'm tempted to do that's not good. Don't get me wrong, now that I have the gospel in my life I will NEVER go back to how I used to be. I will NEVER do anything to jeopardize having the Spirit and the gospel in my life every single day. It's not worth it. ever. But it's so comforting to know that when Christ lived here he also had temptation. But He never gave in to temptation. How amazing is that?! Whenever I'm tempted I think to myself "Did Christ give in to temptation?" Again, I'm just doing my best to be more like Him.

I know that Christ is with me every step of the way through this crazy adventure called life. And when I feel like I can't stand it anymore, he'll carry me through.

 I know that the gospel is true. I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me. I know that one day a worthy priesthood holder will make me the happiest woman and together we'll be sealed for all time and eternity with the gospel as the center of our relationship. I know that the Book of Mormon is true and that Joseph Smith was a true prophet. I know that everything happens for a reason and that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. I'm so blessed to have the family and friends that I do. Life is so amazing and wonderful!

Well, that's all for now. I have to get up early tomorrow because I have a big day ahead of me. 

Wanna know why?

I'm going to the temple :) 

I LOVE MY LIFE

June 14, 2012

It's honestly amazing to me how the gospel has impacted my life so far this week.

I've never been so happy and content in my entire life.

The first experience: 

On Monday morning I woke up early to study for my botany test.

As I grabbed my flash cards I thought to myself, ya know... maybe I should read my scriptures for a little bit...

So I did just that.

I read and underlined principles that stuck out to me. And then I prayed that I'd be able to understand and remember what I was studying. 

Later that day I took my botany test. 

For those of you who don't know me, I'm an awful test taker. Even if I feel I know most of the concepts, for whatever reason I always just seem to psych myself out and get really bad anxiety.

As I sat down and was taking my test I found myself thinking "Alicia, you think you know these answers. You think you're doing so well, but you're going to look at your score and it's going to be awful. You're just going to fail." With this, I started getting really discouraged. 

But then I thought, "Alicia, are you going to let Satan get you down? You read your scriptures, you prayed, you studied your hardest, and Heavenly Father can only bless you if you have faith". 

So I finished my test and I got an 89% :)

When I got home, I prayed and thanked my Heavenly Father :)

The second experience:

I walked into my roommates room and saw she had a small book upon her shelf called "Forget Me Not" by President Uchtdorf. I had read this talk many times and remember the first time reading the talk absolutely loving it. So I read the talk again, only in book form with pictures.

Then I read another talk by President Uchtdorf that had been converted into book form called "Your Happily Ever After". 

These two books really made me think. And not just a little. They made me realize how much Heavenly Father loves me. These two books are going to be my next purchases. And even though I could be doing better financially right now, these are two books that I not only want but NEED in my life.

The first time I read this talk (Forget Me Not), I knew that on my future wedding day, I wanted the "forget me not" flower to be my wedding flower. That's only how much the book meant to me. And I cherish it with all my heart. 

To go along with this, I ran into one of my best childhood friends and her fiance on campus today. Jessica Wilde and I have known each other since the first day of 7th grade. I asked her how wedding plans were going and such. I asked her what she was doing for flowers and her response was "baby's breath and forget me nots". I couldn't help but smile about this. Jessica has always been so strong in the gospel. We've definitely had our ups and downs in our friendship but she and her family have so many Christ-like attributes. Although I've always wanted the "forget-me-not" to be my future wedding flower (and it very well might still could be), I couldn't think of a better person to incorporate such a meaningful flower into her special day. It fits her and her attitude of life so well. And I'm truly proud to say that I look up to her and am so happy for her :)

Jessica and I our senior year

(I tried to find pics of us from when we were in 7th grade but I don't have any on my laptop!)

Jessica and I with her parents at seminary graduation!

Such great examples!!!

 The third experience:

I've made it a goal to thank others for the things that they do. I've written a couple thank-you notes to girls in our ward who I feel have gone out of their way to include me and have been so friendly. And then I thought about someone who is one of the most important men in my life. My dad. I thought about all of the things he's done for me. I am so blessed that Heavenly Father chose him to be my dad. So I sent him a text thanking him. And at this point, I couldn't help but pray to Heavenly Father again thanking Him.

The fourth experience:

I woke up this morning from horrible nightmares. And I mean, the kind where I woke up sweating, trying to catch my breath, almost in tears, and scared out of my mind. After I calmed down, I said a prayer asking for the bad feelings inside of me to go away so I could feel at peace and start my day. It took a couple minutes, but I was able to feel okay again.

The fifth experience:

This might seem a little silly to some but this is an experience I know I will never forget. I'll also be admitting to things that I'm not at all proud of. I think most of us try out best to be honest with ourselves and others. However, when it comes to school work, I haven't always been this way. Sometimes I think to myself, oh I'll just say I forgot my homework (even though I never even looked at it) and ask the professor if I can turn it in next time. Or some days I just flat out don't want to go to class. So I'll e-mail the teacher saying I don't feel well or had a family emergency and won't be in class. Let me just tell you right now, I've ALWAYS known that this was wrong. But I just never thought it was so wrong to make a big deal out of it. This changed today.

I woke up late. And had an assignment for my library research skills class due. Part of the assignment was to listen to 2 different assigned LDS conference talks, and then to do some research to look for the other answers of questions that were listed about copyright. The whole point of the assignment was how to be honest when it comes to copyrighted material, how to cite sources, and how to know when you're stealing. 

I researched as quickly as I could to fill in the answers. And then by the talks there was a sentence that looked like this "Did you read or listen to the following talk? YES/NO" And right next to this question for both talks, I circled YES. As I did this, I thought "I'll just read or listen to them when I get home today." But then I thought, well if I do my makeup in my room I'll have time to listen to one and still be on time for class. So as I did my makeup, I listened intently to the first talk. The talk talked about honesty and more importantly integrity. This made me think of all the previous things I've ever lied about and I started to feel awful. And here I had just said I had completed an assignment that talked about honesty when I still had another talk to listen to or read.

Well, I decided that I needed another talk on honesty. So as I finished getting ready for the day, I listened to the second talk. And boy did I need it! After this, I said a prayer to my Heavenly Father asking for His forgiveness for lying and not being honest. I felt so much better about turning in my assignment knowing that I honestly did all of the work.

Because I did all of my assignment, I was 30 minutes late to class. Yes, I walked in late. But after class, I walked up to Brother Neilsen (my professor) and apologized to him for being late, let him know that I've been taught better than that, and that walking in late was very disrespectful and that it wouldn't happen again. 

This was such a humbling experience, and I'm so glad I was able to have it happen to me today.

Here's the links to the talks if you'd like to read/watch/listen to them:

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2001/04/focus-and-priorities?lang=eng 

 http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/three-towels-and-a-25-cent-newspaper?lang=eng

 The fifth experience:

There's a wonderful girl in my ward named Lauren Chamberlain. We were visiting teaching companions last semester and she lives just down the hall from me. She has always been such a great example to me, and she truly loves to gospel. Well, today she got her mission call. 

For those of you who know me well, I've always desired to go on a mission. It honestly is one of the biggest desires I've ever had so far in my life.

Lauren came over and asked me to be a part of her opening her call.
She was called to the Budapest, Hungary mission! She leaves on October 31 to the Provo MTC and will be speaking Hungarian.

And this experience helped me figure something out in my life that I thought I already knew. I want, more than anything else in the entire world, to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It's ridiculous how badly I want it. I don't know if I'll be able to go. But I'm working harder than I've ever worked in my entire life to do my absolute best to make it happen. 

Isn't it so amazing how Heavenly Father puts people in our lives to help us realize things? It's all part of His plan for each of us individually :) I didn't know if I was going to come back to school here at BYU-Idaho when it started up again. But I felt like I needed to. Then I decided to live at the Ivy apartments. Then I was in Lauren's ward. Then I was Lauren's visiting teaching companion. And because of her wonderful example, I know now, more than every that I want to serve a mission. 

Crazy huh?

Last fall, I didn't even know her. And now, she's touched my life more than I think she'll ever know. 

Thank you, Lauren.

I'm sure I'll have more amazing experiences the rest of this week. I'm excited to go home tomorrow and spend time with my family :) 

I've learned that happiness is a choice and attitude. And I've learned that the gospel of Jesus Christ is what truly makes me happy. I just can't help but smile and feel so blessed. 

I LOVE MY LIFE

June 10, 2012

I really have absolutely no idea what to say in this post tonight.

A lot has happened in the past two weeks.

We had some major roommate drama at my apartment, which caused me last weekend to go home to get away from everything. Can I just say how much I love my family? It took everything I had to not just throw my hands up in the air and say "forget about Rexburg! I'm staying right here!" But after staying with my dad, visiting Kira, visiting mom and Tracy, visiting my old night shift coworkers at Washington Terrace Care and Rehab, driving at 3am and making it to Blackfoot, parking behind a hotel, locking my doors, sleeping in my car until 5am, and making it to Rexburg at 6 am, I was ready to take on the new week. 

So I did just that. Went to class, worked things out with  my roommates, had fun with friends, etc. However, the week was kind of a blur. I've noticed I've been sleeping a lot lately. And I honestly think it's how I cope with my stress and emotions. I'm not exactly sure why though.

Monday I started my two online classes and my one other class on campus for a total of 6 classes. I didn't think the online classes would be too difficult because well, they're online. But I kind of forgot that the classes I picked up starting on Monday are called "block classes". Meaning that I'm taking them the second half of the semester. So I have to do the exact same amount of work that I would do in a full semester, in half a semester. This lead to a lot of stress this week and almost a breakdown. 

I had a really fun weekend. I went on a date with one of my FHE brothers on Friday night, and we spent time together again last night. He's really nice and I hope our friendship continues. But that's my problem. Friendship. I just don't understand myself. It's like I want a relationship with someone but then when I go on dates I kinda freak out. But then I realize I start liking a guy and get really excited. Then the guy tells me he's not interested, doesn't have time, just got out of a relationship, etc. and I'm hurt for a good 10-20 minutes, and then I justify it by telling myself it's okay because I love being alone and am not ready to date. I just when the right one does come along, it'll all just fall into place. At least, let's hope so. And to be 100% honest, I would be okay if it didn't happen for another year or so. I feel like I still have so much more growing to do on my own.

Saturday morning I met my mom and Tracy at grandpa's house in Idaho Falls. Originally we were going to do yard work with a bunch of friends that I had invited but the weather didn't look very promising so mom cancelled that. Instead we visited with grandpa for a while, and went to lunch at Smitty's. I LOVE Smitty's! But I'll only go there with family... it's kind of a tradition. Then we went back to grandpa's house where uncle Steve was doing some work and had a 6 month old black lab in the back of his truck. I cannot explain how excited I was to play with his puppy! But unfortunately the puppy didn't want to play :( He kept growling and barking at me and wouldn't come near me. But uncle Steve said it's cuz he's still learning what kind of people to be around, how to act, etc.

So we visited with grandpa a little more then came back to Rexburg. I showed mom and Tracy my apartment and we went on a little adventure to the new apartment that I'll be staying at in the Fall.

I got into a program called Fast Grad meaning I'll be taking three 15 credit semesters a year instead of 2. I start in the Fall and I'm EXTREMELY nervous!!! The 15 credits I'm taking aren't easy classes.... In fact, for this upcoming Fall semester the classes I'm taking are Chemistry, Neurobiology, Health Communications, Health and Fitness, and Teachings of Prophets. And then Winter and Spring semester of next year are all biology courses. I really hope that I can do it. 

I'll be living with a nice girl I went to high school with named Camille Jasperson. I'm really nervous about this too because it's a new apartment, new roommates, and I'll be sharing a room instead of having a private room. But oh well. Change is good.... right?

Today I went to church, took a nap, read my scriptures, hung out with my roommates and girls from across the hall, and took a cookie cake to two of our FHE brothers who had birthdays this past week. I was feeling really down about the guy that I kind of have been liking who doesn't like me back so I decided to read a couple chapters in "Miracle of Forgiveness" while walking on the treadmill in the Ivy gym. This actually helped a lot but then it got me thinking about past decisions I've made and the repentance that I'm continually going through. I thought the work out and reading would help but in the end, it lead to the breakdown that I knew was going to come eventually all week long.

My sweet roommate Jacqi made dinner and while we were eating my mom called and asked if I was okay. I knew that if she was able to see me face to face she'd definitely know I wasn't okay. But I did my best to hide it in my voice and told her everything was fine. Then she asked me about a facebook post I made a couple days ago that said "Sometimes I just miss you". She asked who it was about and I said the person it was about and who has been on my mind for two years this Thursday. Her response to this was "Oh sweetie...." and then the tears came. And they continued for a good couple hours. As I talked to my mom about the pain I've been going through I started feeling better. And then Jacqi sat down and started talking to me and the tears started coming again. As Jacqi cleaned up dinner, I went and got ready for bed and as I was washing my face the tears began again. 

And to finish the night off, I get on facebook and see that my old  high school flame is engaged. I really am happy for him, but sometimes it still hurts.

I've definitely been through a lot in my life. And sometimes I think that's an understatement. Parents getting divorced, high school boyfriend drama, parents getting remarried, going to college, moving to a different state, truly falling in love only to have it taken away, going through so much pain I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, roommate drama, being relief society president, making mistakes, figuring out what career path to take, having friends get married and having children, and wondering what in the world am I doing wrong.

But through all of these trials there have been wonderful blessings. I have grown so much in just the last month, let alone the last year, or two years, or since my parents got divorced. I know that Heavenly Father has put people in my life for reasons that I may not ever understand or know but that they have benefited me and helped me grow in some way. I know that the trials I'm going through and will go through help me grow into the woman I want to become and will help me become stronger than I've ever known possible. I know that as I strive to do that which I know is right, I'll be blessed and be happier than I have ever been. 

I know that tonight's breakdown is definitely not the last and that sometimes it's okay to cry and let everything out. I still feel like crying some more right now actually lol and I know that Heavenly Father will never ever ever ever leave me. Because I'm His daughter and He loves me more than I can comprehend. 

This week is going to be crazy but ya know what? I'm gonna make it great :)

I LOVE MY LIFE

May 26, 2012

Well, I decided to start blogging again. 

I'm not entirely sure why but here we go.

I think it would be a lot easier to start blogging about my life now and what's happened this last week rather than trying to update you on what's happened since my last entry. 

Cuz let's face it... that would take forever!

Classes went really well this week. 

As crazy as it sounds, I'm actually enjoying them.

Last semester I had a really hard time focusing and to be honest, I've had a hard time focusing this semester as well.

But the more I do my homework the more I realize I still love learning, I just need a little push every now and then.

I just applied for fast grad which means I'd be staying here at school for fall semester, as well as winter and spring semester too. I won't know for a few weeks whether or not I got in but I feel that for whatever reason, I'm supposed to stay here for fall semester. So I'm praying that I get into the program. 

My friend Kaitlin and I hung out this week which was really fun! We went on a double date to a volleyball game and can I just say how much I LOVE sporting events? 

Seriously though.

Everything with roommates is going great as well.

Christa always keeps me laughing and is such a great friend! We do pretty much everything together and I'm definitely blessed that she's my roommate this semester!

Jaqui is such a great example and we've had a few really deep conversations this past week that have in turn been answers to many, many prayers. 

Brittney is so giving and has been so willing to go places with me, cook me dinner (Christa cooks for  me a lot too), and has let me borrow some movies!

Something really sad that happened this past week is that one of our fish died! :( It was the white one and I'm actually pretty sad about it...

I've been amazed at how much Heavenly Father loves and trusts me lately.I've had quite a few great spiritual experiences this week and I'm truly grateful for them.

I've been kind of homesick lately. I miss Cocoa and my family a lot. On the plus side, I've been able to talk to quite a bit of my family and my best friend from home Kira called me! 

Can I just say how much I love talking to Kira? It's so comforting to talk to someone back home who gets and understands me as well as she does. The crazy thing is that I thought when she got married everything would change, and things have but not in a bad way at all. We're still super close and still know pretty much everything that's going on in each others lives. I just love it :)

I've noticed this past week that I've changed a lot in the past month. Although I still have my down moments where I feel inadequate, and my self esteem struggles, I'm a pretty happy person. I don't really care about what I look like lately. For example, I'd rather wear my long basketball shorts (They're actually Austin's, (my brother) but he gave me quite a few pairs that he doesn't wear anymore), a hoodie, my adidas flip flops, and have my hair in a pony tail, with just a little make up. 

Weird right?

I just love who I am right now and refuse to change for anyone. One of my guy friends actually called me a "tom boy" yesterday. And I just laughed :)

Well... until next week...

I love my life :) 

The last 3 months..

Hello there.
Guess what?
I didn't blog all of spring semester.
Sue me.
I have lots to cover.
We'll start with... church.

I was Relief Society President.
Super stressful.
But such a blessing at the same time.
I became close with a lot of girls who I know will be my friends for many years.

School:
I honestly loved all but one of my classes.
I got a 3.4 GPA this semester.
Go me!


Friends:
Holy smokes did I need them this semester!
Nichole Whatcott, Katie Coats, Lisa Miller, Mary Grover, Kira Williams I can't thank you enough for putting up with me and being good, genuine friends! THANK YOU!

Dating:
HA!
I dated a guy this semster. But not really...
How to explain.....
We spent a lot of time together.
And I really liked him.
BUT we were never official.
We're still friends.
And I'm glad we still talk :)

Family:
We now have a new addition!
Daxton Brent Wood!
Cutest nephew EVER!

Mom and Tracy got married!!
YAY!!!

Overall, I would NEVER do spring semester again.
It was a very emotional semester...
You see, no matter how long ago you gave your heart to someone, it will be fragile for a long time after it has been broken.
Most people know my story of where I was a year ago with a certain guy...
And how I was hurt more than I can ever put into words.
Some people can be over a situation in a matter of hours.
I however, take a while to heal completely.
I still think on a daily basis where I would be today had that young man chosen to remain a part of my life.
But everyday I thank Heavenly Father for taking him away from me.
Because I know everything happens for a reason.
And I know one day, everything will be okay again.

It's weird how I've changed in the past two years...
I say two years because a good friend of mine (Elder Ben Allan) is coming home on Wednesday.
I feel like I'm almost a completely different person since he left.
Some examples:
Then:
Never leave the house without looking 100% amazing
Nothing in the world is better than new, expensive clothes
School is for socializing
Drama keeps one informed
Can't wait to get away from family
Marriage ASAP
Standards are for people who don't know how to have fun
Church is a waste of time
The louder the music, the cooler you are
Etc, etc.

Now:
Make up for special events only haha
Shopping maybe once a couple months, hopefully what I want is on clearance
School is for academics, talk to me while I'm in the zone of studying and I'll be very upset
My life will ALWAYS have drama but keep it to a minimum
All I want is my mommy and some ice cream. aka-I can't get enough of my family!
Marriage when I'm like 23... maybe a little older
Standards are for people who respect themselves and others
Church is where I go to feel better about myself and get away from the world.
Classical music is my best friend
etc. etc

See some changes?

A little update on the past week:
I moved back to my dad's house in Syracuse Utah until next winter semester.
And boy is it a FULL HOUSE!
Dad, Debb, Austin, Mike, Mia, Connor, Landon, and myself....
Constant chaos!

Daxton had his baby blessing!
I saw Harry Potter.... not as exciting as I thought it would be.
Went to the single's ward with Austin on sunday....
Bought some AWESOME fish for Connor and Landon!!
Had a good talk with mom on the porch
Went wake boarding
Had a bridal shower for Kala Tanzie
Went to Kristin Shelby and Jake Wall's wedding reception
Went shopping with Mia
Cleaned like crazy
Visited the grandparents!

I miss Rexburg like crazy!!!
And that's an understatement!
BUT I really needed to get out of there...
I was really being haunted by some memories and couldn't really take it anymore.
I miss my friends and the town and the environment...
Hopefully I can visit soon!

Some pics from the past 3 months!
And sadly, I only started taking pics my last two weeks of the semester...
oh well!

Mary, Jessica, Lisa, me, and Amanda at the Idaho Falls Chuckers game!

I had the chance to meet up with mom, tracy, and my step brother and his family to go four wheeling and camping for the day!

playin in the water!

The "newlyweds"

My neice is SO cute!!

I bought Lisa a 4 foot sock monkey as a going away present :)

And she drew faces on my toes in return :)

The fire right outside my apartment

Cute new nephew Daxton!

First wakeboard run of the season!

My roommate Mary came to visit me!

Trev and Austin helpin Mary get in the water!

Mary!

Mary and I after wake boarding

This is what my room looked like after unpacking from Idaho...

This is what it looks like now!

See that shoe rack? It holds about 1/4 of all my shoes....

The fish on the left is Landon's... the fish that's hiding on the right is Connors!

Well, that's all for now folks! My goal is to blog once a week for a while! Let's see how I do!

Winter Semester '11

I can't believe the semester is over.

It seems like it just barely started. I'm gonna try to keep this pretty short, cuz I really don't have all that much to say.

This has been one of the hardest semesters of my life.

(I think Fall semester beat it by a lot)

This week and next week I've been expecting to be especially hard.

But I decided this afternoon that I couldn't take the sadness anymore.

I went to this wonderful place.

I feel so blessed to live so close to a temple.

I sat in my car and said a prayer

. I've realized that I need to serve others.

Why am I worrying so much about myself when others are probably going through a harder time than I am?

I thought about my calling as first counselor.... How much it taught me. I'm so grateful that I was able to serve in the Relief Society. I've had some of the best roommates ever. I don't even consider them roommates. I consider them family.

I have grown so strong this semester.

I've dated like crazy,

loved like crazy,

cried like crazy,

and have been all around just good at being crazy lol

It's amazing to me how much I've changed in just a year.

Hopefully I can keep up with my blog.

But most of the time I feel like nobody reads it anyways haha

I'm excited for the new semester!

Things are starting to get better..

And even when they're not,

I tell myself,

I LOVE MY LIFE!