June 14, 2012

It's honestly amazing to me how the gospel has impacted my life so far this week.

I've never been so happy and content in my entire life.

The first experience: 

On Monday morning I woke up early to study for my botany test.

As I grabbed my flash cards I thought to myself, ya know... maybe I should read my scriptures for a little bit...

So I did just that.

I read and underlined principles that stuck out to me. And then I prayed that I'd be able to understand and remember what I was studying. 

Later that day I took my botany test. 

For those of you who don't know me, I'm an awful test taker. Even if I feel I know most of the concepts, for whatever reason I always just seem to psych myself out and get really bad anxiety.

As I sat down and was taking my test I found myself thinking "Alicia, you think you know these answers. You think you're doing so well, but you're going to look at your score and it's going to be awful. You're just going to fail." With this, I started getting really discouraged. 

But then I thought, "Alicia, are you going to let Satan get you down? You read your scriptures, you prayed, you studied your hardest, and Heavenly Father can only bless you if you have faith". 

So I finished my test and I got an 89% :)

When I got home, I prayed and thanked my Heavenly Father :)

The second experience:

I walked into my roommates room and saw she had a small book upon her shelf called "Forget Me Not" by President Uchtdorf. I had read this talk many times and remember the first time reading the talk absolutely loving it. So I read the talk again, only in book form with pictures.

Then I read another talk by President Uchtdorf that had been converted into book form called "Your Happily Ever After". 

These two books really made me think. And not just a little. They made me realize how much Heavenly Father loves me. These two books are going to be my next purchases. And even though I could be doing better financially right now, these are two books that I not only want but NEED in my life.

The first time I read this talk (Forget Me Not), I knew that on my future wedding day, I wanted the "forget me not" flower to be my wedding flower. That's only how much the book meant to me. And I cherish it with all my heart. 

To go along with this, I ran into one of my best childhood friends and her fiance on campus today. Jessica Wilde and I have known each other since the first day of 7th grade. I asked her how wedding plans were going and such. I asked her what she was doing for flowers and her response was "baby's breath and forget me nots". I couldn't help but smile about this. Jessica has always been so strong in the gospel. We've definitely had our ups and downs in our friendship but she and her family have so many Christ-like attributes. Although I've always wanted the "forget-me-not" to be my future wedding flower (and it very well might still could be), I couldn't think of a better person to incorporate such a meaningful flower into her special day. It fits her and her attitude of life so well. And I'm truly proud to say that I look up to her and am so happy for her :)

Jessica and I our senior year

(I tried to find pics of us from when we were in 7th grade but I don't have any on my laptop!)

Jessica and I with her parents at seminary graduation!

Such great examples!!!

 The third experience:

I've made it a goal to thank others for the things that they do. I've written a couple thank-you notes to girls in our ward who I feel have gone out of their way to include me and have been so friendly. And then I thought about someone who is one of the most important men in my life. My dad. I thought about all of the things he's done for me. I am so blessed that Heavenly Father chose him to be my dad. So I sent him a text thanking him. And at this point, I couldn't help but pray to Heavenly Father again thanking Him.

The fourth experience:

I woke up this morning from horrible nightmares. And I mean, the kind where I woke up sweating, trying to catch my breath, almost in tears, and scared out of my mind. After I calmed down, I said a prayer asking for the bad feelings inside of me to go away so I could feel at peace and start my day. It took a couple minutes, but I was able to feel okay again.

The fifth experience:

This might seem a little silly to some but this is an experience I know I will never forget. I'll also be admitting to things that I'm not at all proud of. I think most of us try out best to be honest with ourselves and others. However, when it comes to school work, I haven't always been this way. Sometimes I think to myself, oh I'll just say I forgot my homework (even though I never even looked at it) and ask the professor if I can turn it in next time. Or some days I just flat out don't want to go to class. So I'll e-mail the teacher saying I don't feel well or had a family emergency and won't be in class. Let me just tell you right now, I've ALWAYS known that this was wrong. But I just never thought it was so wrong to make a big deal out of it. This changed today.

I woke up late. And had an assignment for my library research skills class due. Part of the assignment was to listen to 2 different assigned LDS conference talks, and then to do some research to look for the other answers of questions that were listed about copyright. The whole point of the assignment was how to be honest when it comes to copyrighted material, how to cite sources, and how to know when you're stealing. 

I researched as quickly as I could to fill in the answers. And then by the talks there was a sentence that looked like this "Did you read or listen to the following talk? YES/NO" And right next to this question for both talks, I circled YES. As I did this, I thought "I'll just read or listen to them when I get home today." But then I thought, well if I do my makeup in my room I'll have time to listen to one and still be on time for class. So as I did my makeup, I listened intently to the first talk. The talk talked about honesty and more importantly integrity. This made me think of all the previous things I've ever lied about and I started to feel awful. And here I had just said I had completed an assignment that talked about honesty when I still had another talk to listen to or read.

Well, I decided that I needed another talk on honesty. So as I finished getting ready for the day, I listened to the second talk. And boy did I need it! After this, I said a prayer to my Heavenly Father asking for His forgiveness for lying and not being honest. I felt so much better about turning in my assignment knowing that I honestly did all of the work.

Because I did all of my assignment, I was 30 minutes late to class. Yes, I walked in late. But after class, I walked up to Brother Neilsen (my professor) and apologized to him for being late, let him know that I've been taught better than that, and that walking in late was very disrespectful and that it wouldn't happen again. 

This was such a humbling experience, and I'm so glad I was able to have it happen to me today.

Here's the links to the talks if you'd like to read/watch/listen to them:

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2001/04/focus-and-priorities?lang=eng 

 http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/three-towels-and-a-25-cent-newspaper?lang=eng

 The fifth experience:

There's a wonderful girl in my ward named Lauren Chamberlain. We were visiting teaching companions last semester and she lives just down the hall from me. She has always been such a great example to me, and she truly loves to gospel. Well, today she got her mission call. 

For those of you who know me well, I've always desired to go on a mission. It honestly is one of the biggest desires I've ever had so far in my life.

Lauren came over and asked me to be a part of her opening her call.
She was called to the Budapest, Hungary mission! She leaves on October 31 to the Provo MTC and will be speaking Hungarian.

And this experience helped me figure something out in my life that I thought I already knew. I want, more than anything else in the entire world, to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It's ridiculous how badly I want it. I don't know if I'll be able to go. But I'm working harder than I've ever worked in my entire life to do my absolute best to make it happen. 

Isn't it so amazing how Heavenly Father puts people in our lives to help us realize things? It's all part of His plan for each of us individually :) I didn't know if I was going to come back to school here at BYU-Idaho when it started up again. But I felt like I needed to. Then I decided to live at the Ivy apartments. Then I was in Lauren's ward. Then I was Lauren's visiting teaching companion. And because of her wonderful example, I know now, more than every that I want to serve a mission. 

Crazy huh?

Last fall, I didn't even know her. And now, she's touched my life more than I think she'll ever know. 

Thank you, Lauren.

I'm sure I'll have more amazing experiences the rest of this week. I'm excited to go home tomorrow and spend time with my family :) 

I've learned that happiness is a choice and attitude. And I've learned that the gospel of Jesus Christ is what truly makes me happy. I just can't help but smile and feel so blessed. 

I LOVE MY LIFE

June 10, 2012

I really have absolutely no idea what to say in this post tonight.

A lot has happened in the past two weeks.

We had some major roommate drama at my apartment, which caused me last weekend to go home to get away from everything. Can I just say how much I love my family? It took everything I had to not just throw my hands up in the air and say "forget about Rexburg! I'm staying right here!" But after staying with my dad, visiting Kira, visiting mom and Tracy, visiting my old night shift coworkers at Washington Terrace Care and Rehab, driving at 3am and making it to Blackfoot, parking behind a hotel, locking my doors, sleeping in my car until 5am, and making it to Rexburg at 6 am, I was ready to take on the new week. 

So I did just that. Went to class, worked things out with  my roommates, had fun with friends, etc. However, the week was kind of a blur. I've noticed I've been sleeping a lot lately. And I honestly think it's how I cope with my stress and emotions. I'm not exactly sure why though.

Monday I started my two online classes and my one other class on campus for a total of 6 classes. I didn't think the online classes would be too difficult because well, they're online. But I kind of forgot that the classes I picked up starting on Monday are called "block classes". Meaning that I'm taking them the second half of the semester. So I have to do the exact same amount of work that I would do in a full semester, in half a semester. This lead to a lot of stress this week and almost a breakdown. 

I had a really fun weekend. I went on a date with one of my FHE brothers on Friday night, and we spent time together again last night. He's really nice and I hope our friendship continues. But that's my problem. Friendship. I just don't understand myself. It's like I want a relationship with someone but then when I go on dates I kinda freak out. But then I realize I start liking a guy and get really excited. Then the guy tells me he's not interested, doesn't have time, just got out of a relationship, etc. and I'm hurt for a good 10-20 minutes, and then I justify it by telling myself it's okay because I love being alone and am not ready to date. I just when the right one does come along, it'll all just fall into place. At least, let's hope so. And to be 100% honest, I would be okay if it didn't happen for another year or so. I feel like I still have so much more growing to do on my own.

Saturday morning I met my mom and Tracy at grandpa's house in Idaho Falls. Originally we were going to do yard work with a bunch of friends that I had invited but the weather didn't look very promising so mom cancelled that. Instead we visited with grandpa for a while, and went to lunch at Smitty's. I LOVE Smitty's! But I'll only go there with family... it's kind of a tradition. Then we went back to grandpa's house where uncle Steve was doing some work and had a 6 month old black lab in the back of his truck. I cannot explain how excited I was to play with his puppy! But unfortunately the puppy didn't want to play :( He kept growling and barking at me and wouldn't come near me. But uncle Steve said it's cuz he's still learning what kind of people to be around, how to act, etc.

So we visited with grandpa a little more then came back to Rexburg. I showed mom and Tracy my apartment and we went on a little adventure to the new apartment that I'll be staying at in the Fall.

I got into a program called Fast Grad meaning I'll be taking three 15 credit semesters a year instead of 2. I start in the Fall and I'm EXTREMELY nervous!!! The 15 credits I'm taking aren't easy classes.... In fact, for this upcoming Fall semester the classes I'm taking are Chemistry, Neurobiology, Health Communications, Health and Fitness, and Teachings of Prophets. And then Winter and Spring semester of next year are all biology courses. I really hope that I can do it. 

I'll be living with a nice girl I went to high school with named Camille Jasperson. I'm really nervous about this too because it's a new apartment, new roommates, and I'll be sharing a room instead of having a private room. But oh well. Change is good.... right?

Today I went to church, took a nap, read my scriptures, hung out with my roommates and girls from across the hall, and took a cookie cake to two of our FHE brothers who had birthdays this past week. I was feeling really down about the guy that I kind of have been liking who doesn't like me back so I decided to read a couple chapters in "Miracle of Forgiveness" while walking on the treadmill in the Ivy gym. This actually helped a lot but then it got me thinking about past decisions I've made and the repentance that I'm continually going through. I thought the work out and reading would help but in the end, it lead to the breakdown that I knew was going to come eventually all week long.

My sweet roommate Jacqi made dinner and while we were eating my mom called and asked if I was okay. I knew that if she was able to see me face to face she'd definitely know I wasn't okay. But I did my best to hide it in my voice and told her everything was fine. Then she asked me about a facebook post I made a couple days ago that said "Sometimes I just miss you". She asked who it was about and I said the person it was about and who has been on my mind for two years this Thursday. Her response to this was "Oh sweetie...." and then the tears came. And they continued for a good couple hours. As I talked to my mom about the pain I've been going through I started feeling better. And then Jacqi sat down and started talking to me and the tears started coming again. As Jacqi cleaned up dinner, I went and got ready for bed and as I was washing my face the tears began again. 

And to finish the night off, I get on facebook and see that my old  high school flame is engaged. I really am happy for him, but sometimes it still hurts.

I've definitely been through a lot in my life. And sometimes I think that's an understatement. Parents getting divorced, high school boyfriend drama, parents getting remarried, going to college, moving to a different state, truly falling in love only to have it taken away, going through so much pain I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, roommate drama, being relief society president, making mistakes, figuring out what career path to take, having friends get married and having children, and wondering what in the world am I doing wrong.

But through all of these trials there have been wonderful blessings. I have grown so much in just the last month, let alone the last year, or two years, or since my parents got divorced. I know that Heavenly Father has put people in my life for reasons that I may not ever understand or know but that they have benefited me and helped me grow in some way. I know that the trials I'm going through and will go through help me grow into the woman I want to become and will help me become stronger than I've ever known possible. I know that as I strive to do that which I know is right, I'll be blessed and be happier than I have ever been. 

I know that tonight's breakdown is definitely not the last and that sometimes it's okay to cry and let everything out. I still feel like crying some more right now actually lol and I know that Heavenly Father will never ever ever ever leave me. Because I'm His daughter and He loves me more than I can comprehend. 

This week is going to be crazy but ya know what? I'm gonna make it great :)

I LOVE MY LIFE

May 26, 2012

Well, I decided to start blogging again. 

I'm not entirely sure why but here we go.

I think it would be a lot easier to start blogging about my life now and what's happened this last week rather than trying to update you on what's happened since my last entry. 

Cuz let's face it... that would take forever!

Classes went really well this week. 

As crazy as it sounds, I'm actually enjoying them.

Last semester I had a really hard time focusing and to be honest, I've had a hard time focusing this semester as well.

But the more I do my homework the more I realize I still love learning, I just need a little push every now and then.

I just applied for fast grad which means I'd be staying here at school for fall semester, as well as winter and spring semester too. I won't know for a few weeks whether or not I got in but I feel that for whatever reason, I'm supposed to stay here for fall semester. So I'm praying that I get into the program. 

My friend Kaitlin and I hung out this week which was really fun! We went on a double date to a volleyball game and can I just say how much I LOVE sporting events? 

Seriously though.

Everything with roommates is going great as well.

Christa always keeps me laughing and is such a great friend! We do pretty much everything together and I'm definitely blessed that she's my roommate this semester!

Jaqui is such a great example and we've had a few really deep conversations this past week that have in turn been answers to many, many prayers. 

Brittney is so giving and has been so willing to go places with me, cook me dinner (Christa cooks for  me a lot too), and has let me borrow some movies!

Something really sad that happened this past week is that one of our fish died! :( It was the white one and I'm actually pretty sad about it...

I've been amazed at how much Heavenly Father loves and trusts me lately.I've had quite a few great spiritual experiences this week and I'm truly grateful for them.

I've been kind of homesick lately. I miss Cocoa and my family a lot. On the plus side, I've been able to talk to quite a bit of my family and my best friend from home Kira called me! 

Can I just say how much I love talking to Kira? It's so comforting to talk to someone back home who gets and understands me as well as she does. The crazy thing is that I thought when she got married everything would change, and things have but not in a bad way at all. We're still super close and still know pretty much everything that's going on in each others lives. I just love it :)

I've noticed this past week that I've changed a lot in the past month. Although I still have my down moments where I feel inadequate, and my self esteem struggles, I'm a pretty happy person. I don't really care about what I look like lately. For example, I'd rather wear my long basketball shorts (They're actually Austin's, (my brother) but he gave me quite a few pairs that he doesn't wear anymore), a hoodie, my adidas flip flops, and have my hair in a pony tail, with just a little make up. 

Weird right?

I just love who I am right now and refuse to change for anyone. One of my guy friends actually called me a "tom boy" yesterday. And I just laughed :)

Well... until next week...

I love my life :) 

The last 3 months..

Hello there.
Guess what?
I didn't blog all of spring semester.
Sue me.
I have lots to cover.
We'll start with... church.

I was Relief Society President.
Super stressful.
But such a blessing at the same time.
I became close with a lot of girls who I know will be my friends for many years.

School:
I honestly loved all but one of my classes.
I got a 3.4 GPA this semester.
Go me!


Friends:
Holy smokes did I need them this semester!
Nichole Whatcott, Katie Coats, Lisa Miller, Mary Grover, Kira Williams I can't thank you enough for putting up with me and being good, genuine friends! THANK YOU!

Dating:
HA!
I dated a guy this semster. But not really...
How to explain.....
We spent a lot of time together.
And I really liked him.
BUT we were never official.
We're still friends.
And I'm glad we still talk :)

Family:
We now have a new addition!
Daxton Brent Wood!
Cutest nephew EVER!

Mom and Tracy got married!!
YAY!!!

Overall, I would NEVER do spring semester again.
It was a very emotional semester...
You see, no matter how long ago you gave your heart to someone, it will be fragile for a long time after it has been broken.
Most people know my story of where I was a year ago with a certain guy...
And how I was hurt more than I can ever put into words.
Some people can be over a situation in a matter of hours.
I however, take a while to heal completely.
I still think on a daily basis where I would be today had that young man chosen to remain a part of my life.
But everyday I thank Heavenly Father for taking him away from me.
Because I know everything happens for a reason.
And I know one day, everything will be okay again.

It's weird how I've changed in the past two years...
I say two years because a good friend of mine (Elder Ben Allan) is coming home on Wednesday.
I feel like I'm almost a completely different person since he left.
Some examples:
Then:
Never leave the house without looking 100% amazing
Nothing in the world is better than new, expensive clothes
School is for socializing
Drama keeps one informed
Can't wait to get away from family
Marriage ASAP
Standards are for people who don't know how to have fun
Church is a waste of time
The louder the music, the cooler you are
Etc, etc.

Now:
Make up for special events only haha
Shopping maybe once a couple months, hopefully what I want is on clearance
School is for academics, talk to me while I'm in the zone of studying and I'll be very upset
My life will ALWAYS have drama but keep it to a minimum
All I want is my mommy and some ice cream. aka-I can't get enough of my family!
Marriage when I'm like 23... maybe a little older
Standards are for people who respect themselves and others
Church is where I go to feel better about myself and get away from the world.
Classical music is my best friend
etc. etc

See some changes?

A little update on the past week:
I moved back to my dad's house in Syracuse Utah until next winter semester.
And boy is it a FULL HOUSE!
Dad, Debb, Austin, Mike, Mia, Connor, Landon, and myself....
Constant chaos!

Daxton had his baby blessing!
I saw Harry Potter.... not as exciting as I thought it would be.
Went to the single's ward with Austin on sunday....
Bought some AWESOME fish for Connor and Landon!!
Had a good talk with mom on the porch
Went wake boarding
Had a bridal shower for Kala Tanzie
Went to Kristin Shelby and Jake Wall's wedding reception
Went shopping with Mia
Cleaned like crazy
Visited the grandparents!

I miss Rexburg like crazy!!!
And that's an understatement!
BUT I really needed to get out of there...
I was really being haunted by some memories and couldn't really take it anymore.
I miss my friends and the town and the environment...
Hopefully I can visit soon!

Some pics from the past 3 months!
And sadly, I only started taking pics my last two weeks of the semester...
oh well!

Mary, Jessica, Lisa, me, and Amanda at the Idaho Falls Chuckers game!

I had the chance to meet up with mom, tracy, and my step brother and his family to go four wheeling and camping for the day!

playin in the water!

The "newlyweds"

My neice is SO cute!!

I bought Lisa a 4 foot sock monkey as a going away present :)

And she drew faces on my toes in return :)

The fire right outside my apartment

Cute new nephew Daxton!

First wakeboard run of the season!

My roommate Mary came to visit me!

Trev and Austin helpin Mary get in the water!

Mary!

Mary and I after wake boarding

This is what my room looked like after unpacking from Idaho...

This is what it looks like now!

See that shoe rack? It holds about 1/4 of all my shoes....

The fish on the left is Landon's... the fish that's hiding on the right is Connors!

Well, that's all for now folks! My goal is to blog once a week for a while! Let's see how I do!

Winter Semester '11

I can't believe the semester is over.

It seems like it just barely started. I'm gonna try to keep this pretty short, cuz I really don't have all that much to say.

This has been one of the hardest semesters of my life.

(I think Fall semester beat it by a lot)

This week and next week I've been expecting to be especially hard.

But I decided this afternoon that I couldn't take the sadness anymore.

I went to this wonderful place.

I feel so blessed to live so close to a temple.

I sat in my car and said a prayer

. I've realized that I need to serve others.

Why am I worrying so much about myself when others are probably going through a harder time than I am?

I thought about my calling as first counselor.... How much it taught me. I'm so grateful that I was able to serve in the Relief Society. I've had some of the best roommates ever. I don't even consider them roommates. I consider them family.

I have grown so strong this semester.

I've dated like crazy,

loved like crazy,

cried like crazy,

and have been all around just good at being crazy lol

It's amazing to me how much I've changed in just a year.

Hopefully I can keep up with my blog.

But most of the time I feel like nobody reads it anyways haha

I'm excited for the new semester!

Things are starting to get better..

And even when they're not,

I tell myself,

I LOVE MY LIFE!

Who I Thought I Would Be

Everyday I see myself growing up a little more.

It scares me.

Anyways,

I had a really good week :)

I was able to talk to my amazing bishop on Tuesday night.

On Wednesday my mom drove 3 1/2 hours just to take me out to eat and go to the mall. Then drove 3 1/2 hours back home.

All because well... a girl needed her mom :)

This is why I talk to her three times a day.

This is why she's my best friend.

This is why I'm never embarrassed by her.

This is why I'm proud to call her my mom :)

When we went to the mall, we stopped by American Eagle and I tried on my typical size 4 jeans.

GUESS WHAT?!

They didn't fit!

So I tried on a size 2!

Let me repeat that.

SIZE 2!!

And they fit and were even a little big!

CRAZY!!

:)

I found the CUTEST plaid button up shirts and I really wanted them!

My mom thought they were hideous and said I was born in the wrong family because ever since I was little, I always wanted to grow up on a farm, in the middle of nowhere, with beautiful sunsets, horses, farm animals, cowgirl boots, with my hair in two braides.

I still wish I had all of that.

Cuz I'm definitely a country girl at heart :)

I've really been into my school work lately.

And I love it! :)

My favorite class right now is definitely Understanding DNA (Genetics)

It's so interesting how one single gene can make your whole life change!

I love spending time with my roommates :)

Let's go over some things that have happened lately that got me a little down.

Three of my friends got engaged.

I am SO happy for them! Super exciting!

But sometimes I wonder when it will be my turn.

However, I turned this experience around in a jiffy.

I've gotten more involved with school and really just love it!

So what if I don't get married anytime soon!

I'm gonna live my life with or without a guy! :)

I taught the lesson on sunday for relief society.

It was superbowl sunday though.

So only like 15 girls showed up.

And I was quite discouraged cuz I worked hard on my lesson.

However, let's turn this around :)

The girls that were there said I did a great job and one girl said it was exactly what she needed :)

I've been struggling a little lately with finances.

But I receieved not one, not two, but three checks this week!

One from my mom, one from work, and one from my deposit at my old apartment!

Yay!!

I had a weird eye infection goin on so I had to wear my glasses for TWO weeks! YUCK!

I HATE wearing my glasses!

But this week I got a package in the mail from my dad and it had my new contacts in it!!!

YAY!!!

My bishop told me that guys like when a girl shows interest in them.

Really?

Let's try this out :)

I invited/flirted with two very fine gentlemen who both turned me down.

But did it get this girl down?!

Well yes. lol

BUT that's okay.

I'm keeping my head up.

Okay, so since my title says "Who I Thought I Would Be", I should probably talk about that.

I was thinking earlier today,

When I was a little girl... who did I think I was going to be?

Well, I thought when it came to music (playing the piano and singing) everybody would know me for that.

I thought I would be on the cheerleading or basketball team.

I thought I would have perfect grades and have tons and tons of friends and be SO popular.

I thouht I would get into whatever college I wanted.

I thought I would meet perfect prince charming and get married by age 20.

I thought I would love every second of college. I would love being on my own. I would study but also have fun and be the person who found the cure for cancer :)

Well, I still play the piano and sing. It's just not something I'm really known for.

I didn't make the cheerleading team or the basketball team.

I got decent grades and had few close friends.

I got into the TWO colleges I applied for.

Prince charming has yet to sweep me off my feet.

College has been one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I've struggled with grades, a social life, and right now, I'll be happy just getting through the semester, let alone finding a cure for cancer :)

But through the hours of practicing piano, and singing, I've found it's something I really love.

If I had done cheerleading or been on the basketball team, I wouldn't have been able to be on the yearbook, or done choir in junior high or high school.

I went through a lot and decent grades was doing my best.

I may have had a few close friends. But Kira (for example) is still my closest friend I have today.

I'm now going to a college that wasn't even on my mind when I graduated highschool.

Prince charming can't handle me yet :)

College has been hard. But I've learned more in college about the world, life, religion, that I would never take ANY of it back.

Regardless of how badly I want to live on a farm and be a country girl,

or how sometimes it's hard to be happy for those who have a guy in their life,

or struggling to get through one class, let alone the entire day,

I'm happy.

I love who I am.

I wouldn't change one single thing in my entire life.

I love who I'm becoming.

I LOVE MY LIFE

:)

The past month..

It's been a while since I've blogged.
I guess I've just been really busy.
And I've wondered how many people actually read my blog...
This isn't going to be very long.
I'll start with January.

On New Years Eve I went to a party where I learned how much I've grown up.
Without going into detail, I kept myself out of a very dangerous situation.
As I went back to the party, people I've never even met told me how proud they were of me for standing up for myself.
I'm growing up?
Scary...

I moved back to Idaho.
My mom helped and it's been nice having a great roommate/friend like Lisa.
This girl puts up with so much from me... and not once does she complain.

Roommates.
Emily. Megan. Heather. Mary. Lisa.
I LOVE THESE GIRLS.
My roommaes for Fall Semester were great.
These roommates are such a blessing.
Words really can't explain how much these girls mean to me.
They understand me. And are true friends.
I don't know what I would do without them.

My classes are going great and I actually love them.
Weird huh?
It's still hard for me sometimes to buckle down and do my homework but I'm doing a lot better than I did last semester.

I've talked to my old flame a little bit since moving up here.
That situation has yet to stop hurting.
But all in good time...

I went on a couple dates with an AMAZING guy.
He's turned out to be one of my good friends and I hope my future husband is very similar to him.

I lost one of my best friends.
Unfortunately, sometimes one person doesn't want what another one does.
So friendships are burned to ashes.
And tears hit the ground like china plates.
Emails can't seem to be deleted quite yet.
Letters reside in an old box in the closet.
And memories are now what I dream about in my sleep.
But again...
All in good time.

My best friend Kira Williams and her awesome boyfriend Carson Pace came to visit me one weekend.
Best. Weekend. Ever.
I seriously love these two more than I can explain.
I've always been worried about losing my best friend to marriage.
I'm not going to lose a best friend.
Because I'll gain another best friend.
I know that I can always count on Kira and Carson.
Thanks guys :)

Sad day.
I can't go on a mission.
At least not when I was hoping to.
This has been the most heart aching experience I've ever had to go through.
It's kind of a long story and very personal.
I have some medical problems that need to be taken care of and figured out.
As well as some personal problems that I need to overcome.
But as I talked to my bishop about how excited I was to serve a mission.
I knew something was wrong.
And my goal everyday, every week, is to not cry because I can no longer go right now.

For the first time in my life, I don't have a plan.
I don't know what I want my major to be.
I thought I was going to be married by now, or maybe engaged.
When that didn't happen...
I knew with all my mind and heart that a mission was the biggest desire I've ever had in my entire life.
And now that's not happening...
Everyday I wonder... what now?
What am I supposed to do?
And it scares me that I have absolutely no idea...

I was called to be the Relief Society 1st Counselor.
It has been such a blessing.
It's a huge sacrifice but I LOVE my calling.

I get to teach the lesson on Sunday in Relief Society.
I've entitled it "What Heaven Sees in You"
I'll give more details after I give the lesson.

It's been a really hard month.
Lisa told me that I should write a book about my life. Because it seems like I never get a break.
I'm glad someone else finally thinks so.
But I've learned that it helps me become stronger... I just don't know how much more I can take.

I've learned to keep my head up.
I've learned it's really okay to cry.
I've learned who my true friends are.
I've learned how much my family means to me.
I've learned I love the gospel.

Life is hard.
But it's what you make it.
I try to smile.
And when I simply can't, I pray for a happier day tomorrow.

I LOVE MY LIFE

I dyed my hair a little more blonde

Me and Kira when she came to visit me!

My roommates and I performed a Spice Girls dance for a ward talent show! Emily couldn't come :(

And Heather took video and pictures.


Baby Spice, Sporty Spice, Scary Spice, and Ginger Spice


Mary and I at Sammys!

Me and Emily at Sammys!