It's The Little Things

Alright, so a lot has happened since I last posted.

My mom got engaged :) Super happy for her.

Labor Day with my family was fun.

Since that weekend, I've learned SO much about myself.

I've discovered my faults, as well as my better qualities.

I've discovered those who I truly love, and how blessed I am.

My 5 major faults:

Complaining

Stubborness

Self-esteem

Worrying

Emotional

My 5 major better qualities:

Compassion

Believing

Trying my hardest

Not giving up

Passionate

I also found that you don't really understand, comprehend, appreciate, and possibly fully love something or someone until you've lost, or almost lost it, or them.

I don't know how I got so blessed...

I've realized, I don't need money, a nice house, nice things, or anything of that sort.

Love, and the gospel, is already more than I could ever want and appreciate.

From last night until forever, I am making 3 public promises to myself and anyone else who's willing to hear (or in this case read) them.

I promise I will always try my best to be positive in all things and aspects.

I promise I will always try my best to put others first.

I promise I will always try my best to love with all my heart.

I would never change anything about my past, who I've become, and where I'm going.

I love my life.

Alone

Everyone knows what it feels like to be alone at one point or another.

Whether they're physically alone, or just feel like they don't have anyone to talk to.

Have you ever had a dream?

Something you knew was going to happen no matter what?

No matter what anyone told you, you just knew they were wrong..

What happens when they become right?...

When everything you thought you knew got flipped upside down...

When friends, family, and love just seem like things...

And you feel that there's not one person you want to talk to.

Becauuse you don't even know how you're feeling yourself.

To have so much trust, care, love, and passion for someone or something..

And then in one second...everything can change.

Not knowing how to feel... feeling nothing.

Hoping to wake up the next morning realizing that moment was just a bad dream...

Or the last 3 months was just a dream...

or the last year...

or your whole life...

Sometimes I just don't get it.

But this is life right?

We're not supposed to get it.

At least I don't think we are.

Alone.

With everything going on...

I still feel it.

Today,

I don't know how I feel about life.

A Little Overdo...

Alright, so I've been putting this off for what seems like forever now.

I've gotten to the point that so much was happening that I thought

"This is going to take forever to blog"

And yet, here I am.

Ready to spend probably the next 2-3 hours telling you what has happened since I last blogged.

Here we go....

FAMILY WEEKEND

I left good ol' Rexburg on Thursday after I had rested from work.

Can I just say it's SO HARD having divorced parents...

When I go home I get pulled both ways so badly and being me, I like to please everyone.

Thursday night I went to my dad's first and visited for a bit.

Then I went to my mom's :)

Friday morning I woke up and got ready for my dad's sealing.

I didn't have to meet Austin until a bit later so I decided to stop at Cutler's and surprise Kira.

She freaked haha

It was awesome :)

Then I went to my dad's and bugged Austin until he was ready to go, considering I had been ready for literally HOURS.

We headed for the bountiful temple (stopped on the way for energy drinks of course)

We got to the temple and sat in the waiting room for a while.

The fam came out and we took a couple pics.

I hung with Maddi and chased Connor around.

Then we went to a restraunt in Kaysville.

I had been having this problem where I was NEVER hungry and had to force myself to eat.

Scary I know.

So when we got to the restraunt, naturally I wasn't hungry.

And Connor was being..... well Connor.

So I had a couple bites and went out with him in the foyer and played.

Best part of that?

I taught him to say "BYU sucks"

His dad Mike LOVES BYU and we're die hard Ute fans.

Needless to say when Connor ran up to Mike and said this... his dad was in shock.

Now I always ask: "Connor, do you like Utah or BYU?" his response is always

"BYU Sucks"

I also taught him to say "Goofball", and "Austin's a butt" :) I'm quite pleased with myself :)

That night Bre, Trever, Austin, and I went to Boondocks.

SO FUN!

Saturday I slept in until like 3pm.

Awesome.

Then mom and I went with Tracy to the skydiving place in Ogden.

Unfortunately stupid Utah weather permitted us from going skydiving :(

Oh well, we'll try again another time.

Instead we went out to dinner (again, like five bites of a salad)

and we went to a movie. "The Other Guys"

Super inappropriate. I wouldn't recommend it.

Sunday I slept in.

Kira came over and we talked for a bit.

I don't remember what I did after that.

I think I went over to my dad's for a bit.

Who knows

Monday I woke up early and headed to Raging Waters with the fam.

Fun but tiring.

My knee was killing me.

Connor was EVERYWHERE

Water was freezing

Austin and I got into an argument.

But it really was fun.

Then I got a pedicure with mom.

I came back to Rexburg Thursday morning.

I did a lot of laundry, cleaning, organizing, and spent time with the fam.

Since then I've just been workin my butt of here in Rexburg.

I work nights still as a CNA but I got another job as well.

I work at a place called "Upper Valley Options Developmental Disabilities Agency"

But for short we call it "Options"

It a place for those who are disabled to come and learn to do everyday things.

I love it there, but it doesn't pay much.

My life has been crazy

I love my life :)

Midnight Blogging

Well, although it's almost 1am, I can't sleep.

So I decided to blog.

I finally got a new roommate.

Her name is Kristina and she's really sweet.

I started my new shift at work.

6pm-6am

It definitely kicks my butt.

However, I need the money.

I go to work at night, and sleep during the day.

But I can only work 3 night shifts before I hit overtime.

So it's really not that bad.

I came home to Utah on Thursday night.

Friday was my dad's sealing with my step mom.

After that Austin, Trever, Bre, and I went to Boondocks and it was a TON of fun!

I really want to go again!

Saturday I was supposed to go sky diving with my mom.

But the winds were too high so we couldn't.

Instead we went to dinner and a movie.

Then we went grocery shopping.

Today I woke up and Kira came over.

It was really good to catch up with her.

Tomorrow I'm going to Raging Waters with the family.

That's my life lately.

Do I seem a little down?

That's because I am...

I try too hard.

I worry too much.

I think too much.

I over analyze too much.

I push people away.

I don't know if I like who I am...

I've always had a problem with my self esteem.

And everyone knows that.

But for once... I just want to be happy with myself.

I want to be able to feel like I've done something right.

Like I'm not a screw up.

I get so scared over the littlest things...

I guess I just hate disappointing people.

And I feel like it's all I ever do.

I don't know how to change.

I don't know how to stop hurting.

I don't know how to make people happy.

But I love my amazing friends.

And my family of course.

Maybe one day.... I'll actually get things right.

The last two weeks..

Wow I haven't had a post in like two weeks! And SO much has happened!
I probably won't be able to remember it all but I'll try!

The week after this was a really hard one for me.
Grades were slipping, and family drama.

On Friday (July 16), I drove to Utah to spend the weekend with my family! Right when I got to my dads, I left for a girls night with my sisters and mom :)
My mom, Mia, Bre, and I went and saw the new twilight movie "Eclipse", and then went to Costa Vida.

The next day was my nephew (Connor)'s birthday party!
We went swimming at some place in North Ogden and it was WAY fun! :)

That night I went to gateway and walked around for a bit.... :)
Then, Austin, Trever , Bre, and I went and saw Knight and Day
It was a lot of fun :)
On Sunday, I went to church, visited my Aunt MaryLynn, ate lunch with my dad and gave a dang good family home evening, visited my grandparents, then went to my moms for dinner.

Then I hit the road back to Idaho :(


Monday I got sick at work... awesome.
Things at my apartment were hard...
My roommates were stressed with finals and moving out and such
So everyone was pretty moody.

Friday morning I took Lisa to the Hart to get on the shuttle :(
She went back to Michigan :(
I made it a quick goodbye cuz I knew I'd get emotional.
I packed all my stuff that day and that totally sucked.

Friday my mom came up to help me move to my new apartment, Tuscany.
We cleaned my room, did my cleaning check, packed a ton, and loaded up our cars.
But being me, we couldn't fit all my stuff into our cars...
We had to take two more trips haha
We stayed in Idaho Falls and it was nice :)
I haven't stayed in a hotel for like 4 years and I forgot how much I love them haha
We went to Chilli's for dinner and by the time we got to the hotel we were both exhausted.

Saturday morning we woke up, checked out of the hotel, and went to IHOP for breakfast (my favorite!)
Then we drove to Rexburg to move into my new apartment!
It's super nice but guess what?!
I'm here by myself!!!
I don't have roommates for the 7 week summer break.
It's been pretty interesting.
It's really quiet but its nice being able to do what I want. I just hope when fall comes things with my roommates will be okay.
I still have quite a bit to do but I'll get it done.
I decided I'm going to get another full time job to pay for stuff.
I really wanna make it on my own.

Well that's been my life lately.

Over and Out

Fourth of July

Holy Moses I have a lot to write about!

I probably won't go into great detail about everything because let's face it people, I do have a life... kind of :)

FRIDAY: Packed things up, and got a call from my good friend Cory saying he was in town.

So I met up with him and Jessica at her house and visited for a while.

Then Jess and I went and picked up Rulon Hirschi (good friend) and headed towards Utah.

In Malad Rulon had us stop and try these drinks called Iron Ports... they were weird but good lol We weren't sure what was in them though...

Super tired from driving!

Drinking Iron Ports!

Once we got home my brother Austin and his friend Jeff took me to my favorite restraunt Robintinos... yummm...

After dinner we went and saw "Grown Ups" at the Gateway. It was super funny :)

SATURDAY:
Got ready for the day and picked up Jessica.
We went to Old Navy and got shirts for Stadium of Fire.

Then there was some drama about stuff but this is a happy blog so we won't mention that :)
We went to my family swim party

I love my nieces :) Don't mind Lexi's hand...haha

Then we left with my brother Trever and his wife Bre for Stadium of Fire.

When we got there the gates didn't open for another couple hours so we walked around all the booths and tents that were set up.

We really liked this chicken...

They had a karaoke one and I decided to try it! It was really scary...

Soon they started letting people in, so Trever and Bre went in while Jess and I waited for Nique and Hollie.

We found our seats and soon it started.

Nique, Hollie, Jessica and I!

There was a lot of stuff before Carrie Underwood went on.

The 5 Browns

The Osmonds 2nd Generation

Uh... really cool violinists :)

Some country band...

Then Carrie came out and I went crazy! lol

Like I said... I went CRAZY!

I was sad she only sang 6 songs but she busted out into "How Great Thou Art" and that was awesome!!!

Then the fireworks started and that was fun... until four fell over and went into the crowd..

Yeah that sucked.
After Stadium of Fire was over we dropped off Jess at Thanksgiving Point to see her boyfriend Tyler. They haven't seen each other in 10 weeks. It was really cute lol

SUNDAY:
I got to hang with Kira and that was great :)

MONDAY:
Got up freakin early and went to my moms to get ready for our run.
We went to Layton High (gag) and ran a 5k which was a lot of fun!

Me, Mia, and Mom

I'm very proud of myself for running this. The first mile was the hardest and luckily my knee didn't hurt too bad.

Tracy, mom, me, and Mia

Tracy, Mom, me, Mia, and Laura

After the run we went to my moms and had breakfast.
Then I went home and slept, packed, got a blessing from my dad, and went back to my moms.
I looked through old picture albums and played the game of Life with Trever and Bre.
Then the rest of the family came over and we ate lots of food and played outside in the water with the kids.

I left to pick up Rulon and we headed home.

TUESDAY:
Woke up and couldn't move. Seriouly.
I was so worried about my knee during the run that I didn't even think about my back. Oops.
So I stayed in bed, miserable.
Then I got a massage and decided I needed to be productive and got lots of stuff done.
I stayed up until about 3 am getting stuff done actually...

TODAY:
FML.
Well, not really. kind of..
I knew if I went to basketball, regardless of how I felt, I would play.
But I don't want to mess up my knee or back so I didn't go.
I got up and started being productive again when I checked my email.
I had an email from my history professor letting me know I wasn't going to pass his class.
epic FAIL.
So I called my dad to let him know and well... I won't repeat the things he said to me...
Let's just say the phone call ended with us yelling at each other and me sobbing.
The typical phone call with my dad nonetheless.
I was trying to figure out what I should do... crying... worrying... basically freaking out and having a total break down.

But I'm doing much better now :)
I love my life :)

Oh what do you do in the summertime?...

I realized, I just randomly come up with the titles to my posts...

Weird.

Anyways, life is great! :)

I'm just chillin with Lisa right now.

I'm super excited for this weekend!

Tomorrow night Austin is taking me to Robintinos...

It's my favorite resturaunt and I haven't been there in almost a year!

Hopefully I'll see Kira too!

Saturday Jessica and I are going shopping for Stadium of Fire shirts...

Then we're going to my Uncle Brian's swim party...

Then we're going to Stadium of Fire!!!

Yay for Carrie Underwood!!!

Sunday I'll go to church and probably sleep a ton..

Monday morning I'm running a 5k with my mom and sister,

then going to breakfast...

Then I'll chill with the fam, pack, go to my moms barbeque,

and head back to Rexburg :)

It should be a fun weekend :)

Quote of the day:

I hope one day, we can live in a world where a chicken can cross the road without its motives being questioned.... :)

I love my life :)