Who I Thought I Would Be

Everyday I see myself growing up a little more.

It scares me.

Anyways,

I had a really good week :)

I was able to talk to my amazing bishop on Tuesday night.

On Wednesday my mom drove 3 1/2 hours just to take me out to eat and go to the mall. Then drove 3 1/2 hours back home.

All because well... a girl needed her mom :)

This is why I talk to her three times a day.

This is why she's my best friend.

This is why I'm never embarrassed by her.

This is why I'm proud to call her my mom :)

When we went to the mall, we stopped by American Eagle and I tried on my typical size 4 jeans.

GUESS WHAT?!

They didn't fit!

So I tried on a size 2!

Let me repeat that.

SIZE 2!!

And they fit and were even a little big!

CRAZY!!

:)

I found the CUTEST plaid button up shirts and I really wanted them!

My mom thought they were hideous and said I was born in the wrong family because ever since I was little, I always wanted to grow up on a farm, in the middle of nowhere, with beautiful sunsets, horses, farm animals, cowgirl boots, with my hair in two braides.

I still wish I had all of that.

Cuz I'm definitely a country girl at heart :)

I've really been into my school work lately.

And I love it! :)

My favorite class right now is definitely Understanding DNA (Genetics)

It's so interesting how one single gene can make your whole life change!

I love spending time with my roommates :)

Let's go over some things that have happened lately that got me a little down.

Three of my friends got engaged.

I am SO happy for them! Super exciting!

But sometimes I wonder when it will be my turn.

However, I turned this experience around in a jiffy.

I've gotten more involved with school and really just love it!

So what if I don't get married anytime soon!

I'm gonna live my life with or without a guy! :)

I taught the lesson on sunday for relief society.

It was superbowl sunday though.

So only like 15 girls showed up.

And I was quite discouraged cuz I worked hard on my lesson.

However, let's turn this around :)

The girls that were there said I did a great job and one girl said it was exactly what she needed :)

I've been struggling a little lately with finances.

But I receieved not one, not two, but three checks this week!

One from my mom, one from work, and one from my deposit at my old apartment!

Yay!!

I had a weird eye infection goin on so I had to wear my glasses for TWO weeks! YUCK!

I HATE wearing my glasses!

But this week I got a package in the mail from my dad and it had my new contacts in it!!!

YAY!!!

My bishop told me that guys like when a girl shows interest in them.

Really?

Let's try this out :)

I invited/flirted with two very fine gentlemen who both turned me down.

But did it get this girl down?!

Well yes. lol

BUT that's okay.

I'm keeping my head up.

Okay, so since my title says "Who I Thought I Would Be", I should probably talk about that.

I was thinking earlier today,

When I was a little girl... who did I think I was going to be?

Well, I thought when it came to music (playing the piano and singing) everybody would know me for that.

I thought I would be on the cheerleading or basketball team.

I thought I would have perfect grades and have tons and tons of friends and be SO popular.

I thouht I would get into whatever college I wanted.

I thought I would meet perfect prince charming and get married by age 20.

I thought I would love every second of college. I would love being on my own. I would study but also have fun and be the person who found the cure for cancer :)

Well, I still play the piano and sing. It's just not something I'm really known for.

I didn't make the cheerleading team or the basketball team.

I got decent grades and had few close friends.

I got into the TWO colleges I applied for.

Prince charming has yet to sweep me off my feet.

College has been one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I've struggled with grades, a social life, and right now, I'll be happy just getting through the semester, let alone finding a cure for cancer :)

But through the hours of practicing piano, and singing, I've found it's something I really love.

If I had done cheerleading or been on the basketball team, I wouldn't have been able to be on the yearbook, or done choir in junior high or high school.

I went through a lot and decent grades was doing my best.

I may have had a few close friends. But Kira (for example) is still my closest friend I have today.

I'm now going to a college that wasn't even on my mind when I graduated highschool.

Prince charming can't handle me yet :)

College has been hard. But I've learned more in college about the world, life, religion, that I would never take ANY of it back.

Regardless of how badly I want to live on a farm and be a country girl,

or how sometimes it's hard to be happy for those who have a guy in their life,

or struggling to get through one class, let alone the entire day,

I'm happy.

I love who I am.

I wouldn't change one single thing in my entire life.

I love who I'm becoming.

I LOVE MY LIFE

:)

The past month..

It's been a while since I've blogged.
I guess I've just been really busy.
And I've wondered how many people actually read my blog...
This isn't going to be very long.
I'll start with January.

On New Years Eve I went to a party where I learned how much I've grown up.
Without going into detail, I kept myself out of a very dangerous situation.
As I went back to the party, people I've never even met told me how proud they were of me for standing up for myself.
I'm growing up?
Scary...

I moved back to Idaho.
My mom helped and it's been nice having a great roommate/friend like Lisa.
This girl puts up with so much from me... and not once does she complain.

Roommates.
Emily. Megan. Heather. Mary. Lisa.
I LOVE THESE GIRLS.
My roommaes for Fall Semester were great.
These roommates are such a blessing.
Words really can't explain how much these girls mean to me.
They understand me. And are true friends.
I don't know what I would do without them.

My classes are going great and I actually love them.
Weird huh?
It's still hard for me sometimes to buckle down and do my homework but I'm doing a lot better than I did last semester.

I've talked to my old flame a little bit since moving up here.
That situation has yet to stop hurting.
But all in good time...

I went on a couple dates with an AMAZING guy.
He's turned out to be one of my good friends and I hope my future husband is very similar to him.

I lost one of my best friends.
Unfortunately, sometimes one person doesn't want what another one does.
So friendships are burned to ashes.
And tears hit the ground like china plates.
Emails can't seem to be deleted quite yet.
Letters reside in an old box in the closet.
And memories are now what I dream about in my sleep.
But again...
All in good time.

My best friend Kira Williams and her awesome boyfriend Carson Pace came to visit me one weekend.
Best. Weekend. Ever.
I seriously love these two more than I can explain.
I've always been worried about losing my best friend to marriage.
I'm not going to lose a best friend.
Because I'll gain another best friend.
I know that I can always count on Kira and Carson.
Thanks guys :)

Sad day.
I can't go on a mission.
At least not when I was hoping to.
This has been the most heart aching experience I've ever had to go through.
It's kind of a long story and very personal.
I have some medical problems that need to be taken care of and figured out.
As well as some personal problems that I need to overcome.
But as I talked to my bishop about how excited I was to serve a mission.
I knew something was wrong.
And my goal everyday, every week, is to not cry because I can no longer go right now.

For the first time in my life, I don't have a plan.
I don't know what I want my major to be.
I thought I was going to be married by now, or maybe engaged.
When that didn't happen...
I knew with all my mind and heart that a mission was the biggest desire I've ever had in my entire life.
And now that's not happening...
Everyday I wonder... what now?
What am I supposed to do?
And it scares me that I have absolutely no idea...

I was called to be the Relief Society 1st Counselor.
It has been such a blessing.
It's a huge sacrifice but I LOVE my calling.

I get to teach the lesson on Sunday in Relief Society.
I've entitled it "What Heaven Sees in You"
I'll give more details after I give the lesson.

It's been a really hard month.
Lisa told me that I should write a book about my life. Because it seems like I never get a break.
I'm glad someone else finally thinks so.
But I've learned that it helps me become stronger... I just don't know how much more I can take.

I've learned to keep my head up.
I've learned it's really okay to cry.
I've learned who my true friends are.
I've learned how much my family means to me.
I've learned I love the gospel.

Life is hard.
But it's what you make it.
I try to smile.
And when I simply can't, I pray for a happier day tomorrow.

I LOVE MY LIFE

I dyed my hair a little more blonde

Me and Kira when she came to visit me!

My roommates and I performed a Spice Girls dance for a ward talent show! Emily couldn't come :(

And Heather took video and pictures.


Baby Spice, Sporty Spice, Scary Spice, and Ginger Spice


Mary and I at Sammys!

Me and Emily at Sammys!

Christmas

It feels like it's been forever since I've posted!

Right now I'm at my sisters house, babysitting my two adorable nephews!

Let me tell you about what's been happening in my life :)

I've been quite the grouch lately.

Now some may say this is just how I am...

Although, I know that it's not just me.

I started a new medication about a month ago.

On Christmas night, my sweet cousin Donna and I had a wonderful talk and I told her about this medication.

We did some research and guess what?

This medication's side effects are of the devil!

And I blame all of my moodiness on it.

I seriously have been so irritable and moody.

My anxiety is going crazy and I've been freaking out over the littlest things.

Let's just say, I'm not taking that medication anymore.

My new escape has been working out at the gym.

AMAZING!

It kills my back and knees to run but it's so worth it.

Lifting weights, biking, and running have helped me get my stress and anger out so much!

I just hope that once I get back up to Rexburg that I can keep my routine up!

Christmas was kind of a blur for me.

Although I'm very thankful for the gifts I received.

It was nice to catch up with my family.

The past week with my mom has been great.

We've hung out a lot and I even went to breakfast with my dad one day.

I did some recording, but I'm on my sister's computer so I'll have to put the videos up later.

That's been my other escape.

Playing the piano.

Holy Moses I forgot how much I loved playing.

I've finished an entire piano book of primary songs by Paul Cardall and it has been amazing to feel the spirit while I play.

I've spent the last two nights at Kira's house :)

We've watched Glee and talked a lot.

I've also gone to lunch with Jessica and talked about quite a lot.

I dyed my hair today :)

I'm back to my old blonde self!

It's gonna take some time to get used to.

I realized that when I got to Utah State and was on my own, in college, I thought I had to change.

So I dyed my hair to brown, and became something I'm not.

I was able to talk to a great man today. His name is Dr. Empy.

We talked about what's been going on in my life.

Wanna know what he told me?

He said I'm too hard on myself.

And he's right.

He said I'm trying so hard to please other people that I've completely forgotten about myself.

So my goal is to really concentrate on making myself happy.

I'm going to work out everyday.

Eat right.

Get plenty of sleep.

And stop comparing myself to others.

I only talked to him today and I'm already starting to change back to my old self.

I loved being blonde growing up, so I thought why not go back to what I want to be?

I'll put up some pictures later :)

I've really been thinking about a mission lately.

But I have so much to do to prepare.

I've been lacking in preparing so that's another goal I have.

I'm going to aim for a mission and take things a day at a time :)

As far as boys go...

I wouldn't say I've given up, I'm just not worrying about it anymore.

I know that I'm a great girl with so much potential, and when a nice guy sees that... I'll take it as it comes.

For right now, I'm going to concentrate on being happy by myself and for me :)

My mom and I talked today about one of my ex boyfriends.

I told her I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong in that relationship to make it end.

She told me that sometimes two people are great alone, but not great together.

I know that when I find the guy for me, everything will fall into place.

I'm really excited for school to start :)

I have no idea where I'm going in life.

But I've decided that's all part of the adventure :)

I LOVE MY LIFE :)

Jar of Hearts

I heard this song on the radio when I was with my brother Austin last night.
And I LOVED it!
It's kind of depressing and emotional but I loved the piano in it and all of the emotion behind it!
It's by Christina Perri

Crazy!

Wow, life has been crazy lately!
I'm currently at my mom's house for Christmas break.
Let me give you a quick little rundown of what's been going on in my life.

Work. Boys. Roommates. Moving. Friends.

Work- going great! Loving my job, making good money, good hours... super fun!

Boys- :) So... my roommates and I had to go to the mall again :) :)
I have to give you this whole story haha
So, the guy at Kay Jewelers (Derek) was working when we got to the mall.
Of course I wanted any excuse to talk to him.
So my awesome roommate Kristina pretended like she was going to be getting engaged soon and wanted to look at rings :)
Derek asked what happened with my old relationship and I simply told him it ended very unexpectedly and that they guy I was dating just didn't feel right about it anymore.
I asked why his relationship ended and he gave me his reasons.
I then asked him if he was dating anyone... he said no.
He asked if I was dating anyone... I told him a couple dates here and there, but nothing TOO serious.
We finished our conversation and quickly headed on our way.
I was a little upset for not getting his number again but there wasn't really a good moment to.

My roommates and I proceeded on our mall adventure to Dillards.
We decided to look at some bedding when I found the CUTEST ROXY bedding!
Let me just tell you, I'm a HUGE ROXY girl!
And Roxy bedding is super hard to find!
And it's super expensive!
Well...
the bedding I found was not only an 8 piece set, but it was the exact colors to match everything I already have and was 70% off!!!!
It was originally $260 but I purchased it for only $60!!!
I was one HAPPY girl!!!

Because I was on this happy high, I decided I had nothing to lose.
I went back to Kay Jewelers by myself and luckily Derek was the only one not helping a customer.
He had a smile on his face when he saw me and I said
"Hey, I normally don't ever do this but... would you maybe wanna hang out sometime?"...
His response?
"Yeah! I'm glad you came back in! I was gonna ask you out but you left in such a hurry!"
:)
That's how it's done ladies and gentleman lol

We hung out the next night playing catch phrase with my roommates and some friends,
and then hung out again Tuesday night playing Call of Duty and watching Deja Vu.
He's an awesome friend and I'm really glad I had the guts to go back and get his number.

I've been dating some other guys too but as of right now I'm just still super confused about some stuff and am just enjoying dating.

A mission is still on my mind a lot and I figure if something is supposed to happen with a guy, it will :)

Roommates:
So I had amazing roommates this past semester!
And saying goodbye to them was really hard!
But luckily the last couple weeks of school we all got to hang out more and get even closer!
I love those girls!

Moving:
My mom came up on Friday and helped me clean and move my stuff to my Aunt and Uncle's house in Rigby.
Then we headed back to Utah where I'll be staying for the next two weeks.
When I go back to Rexburg I'll be back in my new apartment and Lisa will be there!! yay!

Friends:
Rule #1-if you have plans with somebody, don't blow them off!
Rule #2- if you have plans with somebody, don't go hang out with somebody else you know is going to bother the original person.
Rule #3- if you have plans with somebody, don't think everything will be alright when you tell them you can't hang out with them because they're hanging out with an old friend who hates your guts for no apparent reason at all and then say "I'm not gonna get in the middle of it".
Oh honey, you've already gotten in the middle of it! Especially when this other friend hasn't been a friend at all.... to anyone!
Okay, venting about that is done :)

For this break, I have some fun plans!
When I got here Friday, I went to a ward Christmas party, then played the Wii with my brother in law Mike.
Today my mom and I went shopping for super cute boots that Santa will be giving me Christmas morning!

I got these ones in black!

I got these ones in brown!

Then we went to walmart, I went shopping with my brother Austin, we went to a family Christmas party (super fun! Austin and I played basketball practically the WHOLE time!), and we went and saw Harry Potter!
Tomorrow I will be sleeping. After church. Maybe.
Monday I'm leaving with my sister, brother in law, and three kids to go to our Condo in Midway :) We'll be having dinner with my uncle, aunt, and cousin who are visiting from Tennessee and we'll be spending the night! yay! (I LOVE going to the condo!)
Tuesday my family and I are going tubing in Park City!
Wednesday and Thursday.... no idea.
Friday: Hang out at Gma and Gpa Woods, Christmas Eve dinner at moms!
Saturday: Presents at moms, hang at Gma and Gpa woods, wii all day baby!
Sunday: Church, lunch, open presents from dad and debb.... sleep!

That's all I got so far.

I'm dying my hair back to blonde sometime that week too! yay!

I have some pics I need to put up on here... maybe later lol
Well, that's all I have for now!

I LOVE MY LIFE

A Girl Like Me

I wrote this song tonight.
Let me know what you think :)

A Girl Like Me

I may not have the gorgeous looks
I may not be popular
I may not walk in stiletto heels
I'm nothing like the other girls.
I may not have the smarts, the brains
I may have a lot of insecurities
But one thing's for sure...
You aint never met a girl like me.

I can't help myself, I talk way too much.
And in the wrong place, I don't talk enough.
But I'll stand my ground... I'll try to act tough.
I can't figure out the difference between my wants and needs.
But one thing's for sure...
You aint never met a girl like me.

Chorus:
Go ahead and call me crazy
Go ahead, say I'm the different one.
Think all you want about me,
Go ahead and make some fun.
Go ahead yeah it's okay,
Cuz at the end of every day,
I'm proud to say...
You aint never met a girl like me.

I may wear too bright of colors
in the season of fall.
I may study for hours,
and come away with nothing at all.
I may have strong opinions,
I may be obsessive with some things.
But one thing's for sure...
You aint never met a girl like me.

Chorus

Think all you want about me.
Go ahead and make some fun....

Chorus

Go ahead yeah it's okay
Cuz at the end of everyday
I'm proud to say
You aint never met a girl like me.

Last Kiss

It's amazing to me how much someone can grow in such little time...
In my last post I mentioned an ex of mine that I was pretty serious with.
For a while, I've refused to talk about it with anyone...
But now I look at where I am and almost want to cry because of how far I've come..

It's crazy for me to look back on my old relationship.
Because I honestly remember very little of it.
Unfortunately, I tend to repress memories, whether good or bad.

I haven't had my facebook for a reason...
However the other day I was looking at pictures on my camera and ran across a picture of he and I from back then.
And it was so weird because it was like I didn't even recognize him or even remember the event when that picture was taken...

There's a song by Taylor Swift called "Last Kiss" that always reminds me of him.
And yet rather than crying, I can't help but smile.

Not just this relationship, but all of mine that I've been through have been such blessings for me.
I've learned so much about myself through every one of them and am so grateful for the hurt I had to go through.
Sometimes I wonder how in the world Heavenly Father trusts me and loves me so much.

All of the wonderful young men that I have dated and gotten to grow close to will never know how thankful I am for them.

Of course all relationships have their regrets and the things I wish I could have done differently.
But I've just realized lately how grateful I am for the lessons I've learned with dating.

So for any "ex" that's reading this, thank you.
Thanks for putting up with me.
And for making me the person I am today.
Whether we talk or not, or you think I'm crazy or not,
Thank You.

I've always been the kind of girl that's liked to stay friends with my ex's.
And sometimes it's so hard to look back and remember certain young men who are completely out of my life now.
But no matter what, I will always be grateful :)

I LOVE MY LIFE