Missing You

I have come to the conclusion that I no longer sleep at night.
Even if I'm absolutely exhausted.
And the worst part is,
There's always one certain thing that I think of at night.
Especially when I can't sleep.

I've always admired Taylor Swift for writing songs about what she's going through.
I've thought about doing just that.
However, I don't know the kind of reaction I would get.
Or even worse, if I would get a reaction at all.

People come and go in our lives every single day.
Some, we don't even realize they've left.
Some, we notice and it hurts a little but we get over it quickly.
But then there's others that time has to help us get over them leaving.
The problem is, what if we didn't want them to leave or would do anything just for a phone call to know how they're doing?

It always hurts when somebody you care about ignores you.
Or wants nothing to do with you anymore.
I remember my senior year of high school wondering if I would ever get over a certain person walking out of my life forever.
Yes, I did get over it.
But after a lot of tears, pain, and prayer.
2 1/2 years later I realized I was okay again.
Yes, it took me that long.

I keep trying to put my mind on other things.
Like how excited I am for Thanksgiving to go home...
Although I originally had much different plans for Thanksgiving... I'm trying to stay optimistic.
What in the world is wrong with me?
Why can't I just let go?!
It cannot be this hard.
It shouldn't be this hard!
But all I can think about to help me is time, time, time.
But when you go to bed at midnight.. and can't sleep so you get up at 5 or 6..
That's a lot of TIME to sit and think.. and wonder...

I wish Heavenly Father let us look at the map of our lives whenever we were confused.
So I can look at it and say "Oh, okay! That's what I'm supposed to do next! Got it!"
But unfortunately, it doesn't happen that way.

This post might seem a little depressing and down.
But whoever is reading this, I want you to know
I AM HAPPY
I know that I'm going to do great things in my life.
But it's okay to miss people.
It's okay to hurt sometimes.
It's okay to pick up the phone and dial a number and then never push 'send'
It's okay.
Everything is okay.

One day at a time Ali... one day at a time...
And those days will turn into weeks.
Weeks will turn into months...
and months will turn into years...

Who knows what will happen in the future.
All I know is that I need to be happy for me.
No matter how much someone means to me.
No matter how much I don't mean anything to them.
It just makes me want to love that much more.
I want to be even more passionate towards others.
Because I know what heartache is like.
And I would NEVER want ANYONE to go through it.

I can do this.
And whoever believes that I can't,
YOU'RE WRONG.

I'm gonna keep my chin up.
I'm gonna smile.
And yes, I'm gonna miss and think about people.
But I need to start realizing that they don't miss me or think about me.

I love my life.
And will continue to live it happily.
I have accomplished another day.