This is my story...

Some people reading this know me better than I probably know myself.
However, I can't sleep.
And most people don't know my story.
Ya know, how I got to where I am today.
I'll try to keep it short... :)

I remember very few things from my childhood.
Good thing mom took lots of pictures.
I do know I was a brat.
A cute brat nonetheless :)
I was a daddy's girl (And still am)
I fought with my brother Austin to the point that my mom probably wanted to give us up for adoption on a weekly basis lol
I was extremely outgoing, sassy, and would question everything.
I was a cry baby, and usually got my way.
I had lots of friends and life was bliss.
I remember car rides with my dad..
stopping at the gas station to get a treat of course :)
Twirling in the foyer of the church, waiting for my dad to get out of church meetings on sundays.
Playing games with my mom..
Jumping on the trampoline with Austin.
Playing video games.
Laying on the stairs..
Climbing the monkey bars.
My dad's dog Jake..
Thinking my sister (Mialisa) had the coolest room ever.
Wishing I could play with my older siblings.
Always wanting to grow up faster...

When I was 9 my dad brought home a TeaCup Poodle.
Just for me.
I named him Cocoa.
This dog has been through everything with me.
Words cannot describe how much I love him.

When I was 11 my parents got divorced..
I still have a hard time with this.
It was at this point that I started becoming inactive with the church.

I started Junior High and told myself I was going to be outgoing and have lots of friends.
I did just that.
I had tons of friends, and I even made the ultimate choir when I was a 7th grader going into 8th.
It was my 8th grade year that I got my first boyfriend and first kiss.
I wanted so much to be like my older siblings.
Of course I was hard on myself and didn't think an A- was acceptable.
It was at this time in my life that depression became an everyday battle.
It was also the time that I had no contact with my mom... Even though she called me every single day.. That is one time in my life that I wish I would have kept her close.
9th grade was a lot of fun.
However, I didn't have as many friends and felt like the outsider.
But I kept my chin up and tried my best.

High School started and I was so excited that I had made one of the choir groups called Lace.
It's extremely hard for a 9th grader going into high school to make it, so I felt very blessed.
High School was nothing what I thought it would be.
I started early at getting into trouble.
My sophmore year was honestly the worst year I can think of.
I had friends but I was inactive, and things just didn't seem to go right.
I had my first serious boyfriend and that heartbreak took a long time to heal.

Junior year, I made a tough schedule for myself so I couldn't concentrate on all of the drama.
But of course is was still there.
I started going to church again and really loved it.
I had made the ultimate choir group called Laytones, and spent so much time concerned with one boy that I didn't get to enjoy it as much as I should have.

Senior year was really tough on me.
I had friends, and fun classes.
However, my dad got remarried. (I was no longer the only princess in his life)
I decided not to do choir again.
And most of my friends were in the drama program.
So I kinda did my own thing.

I didn't get asked to many dances like my friends.
I didn't participate as much as my friends.

I went through A LOT of guys during high school.
For whatever reason, I honestly don't know.

If I could go back and do high school again, I would do it in a heartbeat.
Because there are so many things I would change.

I thought college would be different.
WRONG.

I decided to go to Utah State University.
My dad went there and I wanted to make him proud.
All I did was waste a lot of money, lots of heart break, and learned a lot of lessons.
I would never go back there in a million years.

I decided to come to BYU-Idaho in hopes of a good change.
My first semester here was challenging but I loved it.
My second semester here was extremely challenging, but I loved it.

Now I'm here working my butt off with two jobs.
Trying to figure out who I am and where I belong.

College vs. high school
Get good grades for a future career-get good grades for a future college
Date to get married-date to have fun
Make life long friends-make friends who you'll probably never see again.
Heartache due to thinking you were gonna marry the guy-hearthache due to you no longer have a date to the dance.
Stay close to family cuz it's all you got-stay close to family cuz they control your curfew
You'd give anything to go back home-you'd give anything to get away from home
Complain about the lack of money- complain about the lack of your favorite food your mom didn't get at the store.
Deciding what to do about your lonliness-deciding which party to hit up.

These are just a couple I could think of.
Growing up, I thought I would be just like my mom and sister.
Go to highschool, get married, do some college, have kids, start a family, happily ever after.
Instead it's been: Go to highschool, go to college, work my butt off, go through heartbreak, work my butt off some more...Who knows what will happen next.

I am however grateful for what has happened in my life.
With Thanksgiving coming up I've realized what I truly am thankful for.
And I know sometimes we don't understand why certain things happen.
I know it's okay to miss people.
It's okay to be confused.
It's okay to do our best and then fail.
Because there's a lesson behind it all.
It's the getting to the end of the tunnel that's the hard part.

But while I'm getting to the end of the tunnel, I'm going to enjoy the train ride :)

I love my life.
It's so hard to figure things out...
But when I finally do get things figured out...
I'll let you know :)