Another Lesson in Life...

Have you ever felt that heart renching feeling of loneliess?

Like no matter how many people you know care about you, it just feels like you have no one?

I don't know why, but that's what I've been feeling these past couple days.

Like everyone is so plugged into their own lives that I don't want to bother them.

I love my friends, I do.

But it's so hard when you try to talk to them on the phone and you get the "just a second" and hear the clicks of texting...

or when you try to talk to someone who's also on their laptop and starts laughing while you're in midsentence and realize they're not even paying attention to a word you're saying so you just stop talking, and they don't even notice you were talking in the first place...

or when you ask someone a question and it's silent for 5 seconds and then they say "what?" because they probably don't care what you were asking.

I know I'm guilty of doing all of these things to my friends and family.

And maybe I'm just being a cry baby.

But when I'm feeling this alone and the only thing I feel I can turn to is my scriptures, it makes me wonder what kind of friend I am.

Here I am criticizing others thinking they don't listen, or don't care, or don't have time for me.

When I probably myself haven't made an effort to listen to them, or care about them, or have

time for them.

We're all so wrapped up in our own lives. In all we have to do.

This morning I thought, I have homework to do, I wanna work out, I need to organize and clean my room...

Instead I should have thought, I'll make dinner for my roommates tonight, I'll call an old friend, things like that.

Have i mentioned that it's 5:30 and I haven't gotten hardly any homework done?

Now why is that?

Because I'm stressed and irritated at the dumbest, smallest things?

You know that saying "Take a good look in the mirror?"

Well hello there reflection, let's make a difference today.

I have a new friend named Kelsie.

And this might sound weird because we're not very close but I look up to her.

She'll probably never know it but she has changed my life.

I was having such a hard time fitting in, making friends, and being okay with me.

She invited me to hang out with her and her friends on Wednesday.

And I haven't had that much fun in a long time.

She and her friends made me feel wanted.

Like I wasn't any different. I was one of them.

She's always nice to everyone, she puts others first, she has fun in every situation, and she's very well rounded.

The other day we were talking and she said she made it a goal to say one nice thing about everyone that came into her work (jamba juice). Because earlier that day she had been complimented by a guy and it totally made her day.

I want to follow her example and do this.

It might be hard, and it might mean not thinking of me as much, but I know I'm not here to think of myself.

College is a time to find out who you are.

There's times when I'm so homesick that I cry myself to sleep.

Days where I throw in the towel and give up.

Moments where I want to scream because I have no idea where I'm going in life.

And times like now where I feel lonely, like I have no one.

But then there's times where I'm glad I'm not home because I'm growing on my own.

Days where I pick up the towel, get a little motivation, and decide to do the laundry.

Moments where I scream because I like not knowing where I'm going in life. It scares me.

And times where I realize that no matter how lonely I am, I've met new friends in college.

And the old ones may be in another state but they care about me and are still there.

If I've learned one lesson lately it's that there's opposition in all things.

I can be motivated and happy.

I just have to remember how to be.

And when I can't remember, I need to find a way to remember.

Sometimes, I say "i love my life" to try and convince myself that I really do.

But today, I can say it being 100% honest and knowing it's true.

I love my life.