Who I Thought I Would Be

Everyday I see myself growing up a little more.

It scares me.

Anyways,

I had a really good week :)

I was able to talk to my amazing bishop on Tuesday night.

On Wednesday my mom drove 3 1/2 hours just to take me out to eat and go to the mall. Then drove 3 1/2 hours back home.

All because well... a girl needed her mom :)

This is why I talk to her three times a day.

This is why she's my best friend.

This is why I'm never embarrassed by her.

This is why I'm proud to call her my mom :)

When we went to the mall, we stopped by American Eagle and I tried on my typical size 4 jeans.

GUESS WHAT?!

They didn't fit!

So I tried on a size 2!

Let me repeat that.

SIZE 2!!

And they fit and were even a little big!

CRAZY!!

:)

I found the CUTEST plaid button up shirts and I really wanted them!

My mom thought they were hideous and said I was born in the wrong family because ever since I was little, I always wanted to grow up on a farm, in the middle of nowhere, with beautiful sunsets, horses, farm animals, cowgirl boots, with my hair in two braides.

I still wish I had all of that.

Cuz I'm definitely a country girl at heart :)

I've really been into my school work lately.

And I love it! :)

My favorite class right now is definitely Understanding DNA (Genetics)

It's so interesting how one single gene can make your whole life change!

I love spending time with my roommates :)

Let's go over some things that have happened lately that got me a little down.

Three of my friends got engaged.

I am SO happy for them! Super exciting!

But sometimes I wonder when it will be my turn.

However, I turned this experience around in a jiffy.

I've gotten more involved with school and really just love it!

So what if I don't get married anytime soon!

I'm gonna live my life with or without a guy! :)

I taught the lesson on sunday for relief society.

It was superbowl sunday though.

So only like 15 girls showed up.

And I was quite discouraged cuz I worked hard on my lesson.

However, let's turn this around :)

The girls that were there said I did a great job and one girl said it was exactly what she needed :)

I've been struggling a little lately with finances.

But I receieved not one, not two, but three checks this week!

One from my mom, one from work, and one from my deposit at my old apartment!

Yay!!

I had a weird eye infection goin on so I had to wear my glasses for TWO weeks! YUCK!

I HATE wearing my glasses!

But this week I got a package in the mail from my dad and it had my new contacts in it!!!

YAY!!!

My bishop told me that guys like when a girl shows interest in them.

Really?

Let's try this out :)

I invited/flirted with two very fine gentlemen who both turned me down.

But did it get this girl down?!

Well yes. lol

BUT that's okay.

I'm keeping my head up.

Okay, so since my title says "Who I Thought I Would Be", I should probably talk about that.

I was thinking earlier today,

When I was a little girl... who did I think I was going to be?

Well, I thought when it came to music (playing the piano and singing) everybody would know me for that.

I thought I would be on the cheerleading or basketball team.

I thought I would have perfect grades and have tons and tons of friends and be SO popular.

I thouht I would get into whatever college I wanted.

I thought I would meet perfect prince charming and get married by age 20.

I thought I would love every second of college. I would love being on my own. I would study but also have fun and be the person who found the cure for cancer :)

Well, I still play the piano and sing. It's just not something I'm really known for.

I didn't make the cheerleading team or the basketball team.

I got decent grades and had few close friends.

I got into the TWO colleges I applied for.

Prince charming has yet to sweep me off my feet.

College has been one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I've struggled with grades, a social life, and right now, I'll be happy just getting through the semester, let alone finding a cure for cancer :)

But through the hours of practicing piano, and singing, I've found it's something I really love.

If I had done cheerleading or been on the basketball team, I wouldn't have been able to be on the yearbook, or done choir in junior high or high school.

I went through a lot and decent grades was doing my best.

I may have had a few close friends. But Kira (for example) is still my closest friend I have today.

I'm now going to a college that wasn't even on my mind when I graduated highschool.

Prince charming can't handle me yet :)

College has been hard. But I've learned more in college about the world, life, religion, that I would never take ANY of it back.

Regardless of how badly I want to live on a farm and be a country girl,

or how sometimes it's hard to be happy for those who have a guy in their life,

or struggling to get through one class, let alone the entire day,

I'm happy.

I love who I am.

I wouldn't change one single thing in my entire life.

I love who I'm becoming.

I LOVE MY LIFE

:)

The past month..

It's been a while since I've blogged.
I guess I've just been really busy.
And I've wondered how many people actually read my blog...
This isn't going to be very long.
I'll start with January.

On New Years Eve I went to a party where I learned how much I've grown up.
Without going into detail, I kept myself out of a very dangerous situation.
As I went back to the party, people I've never even met told me how proud they were of me for standing up for myself.
I'm growing up?
Scary...

I moved back to Idaho.
My mom helped and it's been nice having a great roommate/friend like Lisa.
This girl puts up with so much from me... and not once does she complain.

Roommates.
Emily. Megan. Heather. Mary. Lisa.
I LOVE THESE GIRLS.
My roommaes for Fall Semester were great.
These roommates are such a blessing.
Words really can't explain how much these girls mean to me.
They understand me. And are true friends.
I don't know what I would do without them.

My classes are going great and I actually love them.
Weird huh?
It's still hard for me sometimes to buckle down and do my homework but I'm doing a lot better than I did last semester.

I've talked to my old flame a little bit since moving up here.
That situation has yet to stop hurting.
But all in good time...

I went on a couple dates with an AMAZING guy.
He's turned out to be one of my good friends and I hope my future husband is very similar to him.

I lost one of my best friends.
Unfortunately, sometimes one person doesn't want what another one does.
So friendships are burned to ashes.
And tears hit the ground like china plates.
Emails can't seem to be deleted quite yet.
Letters reside in an old box in the closet.
And memories are now what I dream about in my sleep.
But again...
All in good time.

My best friend Kira Williams and her awesome boyfriend Carson Pace came to visit me one weekend.
Best. Weekend. Ever.
I seriously love these two more than I can explain.
I've always been worried about losing my best friend to marriage.
I'm not going to lose a best friend.
Because I'll gain another best friend.
I know that I can always count on Kira and Carson.
Thanks guys :)

Sad day.
I can't go on a mission.
At least not when I was hoping to.
This has been the most heart aching experience I've ever had to go through.
It's kind of a long story and very personal.
I have some medical problems that need to be taken care of and figured out.
As well as some personal problems that I need to overcome.
But as I talked to my bishop about how excited I was to serve a mission.
I knew something was wrong.
And my goal everyday, every week, is to not cry because I can no longer go right now.

For the first time in my life, I don't have a plan.
I don't know what I want my major to be.
I thought I was going to be married by now, or maybe engaged.
When that didn't happen...
I knew with all my mind and heart that a mission was the biggest desire I've ever had in my entire life.
And now that's not happening...
Everyday I wonder... what now?
What am I supposed to do?
And it scares me that I have absolutely no idea...

I was called to be the Relief Society 1st Counselor.
It has been such a blessing.
It's a huge sacrifice but I LOVE my calling.

I get to teach the lesson on Sunday in Relief Society.
I've entitled it "What Heaven Sees in You"
I'll give more details after I give the lesson.

It's been a really hard month.
Lisa told me that I should write a book about my life. Because it seems like I never get a break.
I'm glad someone else finally thinks so.
But I've learned that it helps me become stronger... I just don't know how much more I can take.

I've learned to keep my head up.
I've learned it's really okay to cry.
I've learned who my true friends are.
I've learned how much my family means to me.
I've learned I love the gospel.

Life is hard.
But it's what you make it.
I try to smile.
And when I simply can't, I pray for a happier day tomorrow.

I LOVE MY LIFE

I dyed my hair a little more blonde

Me and Kira when she came to visit me!

My roommates and I performed a Spice Girls dance for a ward talent show! Emily couldn't come :(

And Heather took video and pictures.


Baby Spice, Sporty Spice, Scary Spice, and Ginger Spice


Mary and I at Sammys!

Me and Emily at Sammys!