November 11, 2012

A lot has happened since I last posted. I hate when I stop posting for a while because it seems like when I finally get around to it, I have a million things to catch up on. 

First of all, I dyed my hair! I decided it was time for a change with a lot of different things but I first wanted to start with my appearance. I now have reddish/brown hair and love it! Most people think I look about 20 instead of 17 or 18 now! haha 

I had a great 22nd birthday thanks to my family and friends. My mom came up to Idaho for the weekend and we went shopping, out to dinner, and to a movie. It was so great to be able to spend time with her! My roommates bought me presents and decorated the living room. They're seriously so great :) 

 Me and my mom

 Camille, AJ, Bre, Emilee, and Megan celebrating my birthday with me!

That next weekend my brother Austin was in town for business so we took my Grandpa Frandsen out for dinner. Can I just say how much I love my brother? He's my rock. He's my best friend. And I honestly have absolutely no idea how I could have gotten where I am today without him. 

Myself and Austin at the Utah vs. BYU football game

Something that I've debated whether or not to write about is my sweet puppy Cocoa.... 

I got a phone call from my dad on a Tuesday telling me that he had taken Cocoa into the vet because he was acting a little funny. The results were really hard for me to accept. The vet said that Cocoa's liver and kidneys had failed and that he was almost completely blind and that he was in a lot of pain. My dad left the choice up to me of whether or not I wanted to come home to say my goodbyes. 

There's few times I ever remember crying as hard as I did that week. One of them being when my parents got divorced, when my dad told me he was getting remarried, and when I got my heart broken two years ago. I literally came home to my apartment, laid on my bedroom floor and sobbed for a good hour. Throughout the week I'd randomly start sobbing and one night my sweet roommates even went to a boys apartment complex, knocked on a random door, and asked two guys to come give me a blessing.

That Friday night my amazing roommate Camille drove me to Utah and when I got to my house I didn't grab anything from the car. I just ran inside as fast as I could to see my puppy. I spent all night long with him. Just the two of us. I cried a lot, but just like always, Cocoa didn't leave my side. He never did when he knew I was sad. 

(I'm leaving out a lot of detail simply because I've written everything down in my journal already and that friday night and saturday are very personal and sacred to me)

The next day (saturday) I spent some more time with Cocoa. I hopped in the car holding him while my dad was driving. I tried to take in every minute of Cocoa's last car ride. He looked out the window like he always did...

We got to the vet and I took off his collar before we got out of the car. We walked into the vet when he immediately started shaking. The vet was really busy so I went off into my own little corner holding Coca while my dad waited to talk to the receptionist. As I held Cocoa I talked to him. I thanked him for everything he had gotten me through and let him know how grateful I was that he held on as long as he did so I could be there. I said I lot more but again, it's really personal.

The receptionist called us into the room where I couldn't seem to stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. She brought in a scale and asked me to place him on it so we could see how much he weighed. I put him on the scale and told him to sit as I heard my dad tell him "good boy" for the last time. 

The vet and a nurse came in and explained the procedure. The nurse asked me to hand her Cocoa and when I went to give him to her he wrapped his little paws around my arm. But I had to resist and handed her Cocoa. The vet cleaned off a part of his vein on his front right let and injected the needle. It broke my heart to watch Cocoa wince and try to get away from the pain... and within about two seconds his little furry body went completely lifeless and limp has the nurse gently laid him on a towel that was placed on the counter. And that's when I completely lost it. I petted his red/brown coat of fur for the last time, and then ran out crying....

I know it might seem weird to people about how much I mourn the loss of my dog. But let me tell you a little bit about my relationship with him.

When I was younger, my older sister had her own friends and my brothers Trever and Austin were always together and I tended to just play by myself. When I was 8 years old and Christmas time came around I wrote on my Christmas list that I had tried really hard to be good that year and be especially nice to Austin (we absolutely hated each other when we were younger) and that all I wanted for Christmas was a puppy and if I couldn't have a puppy then I didn't want any presents or anything at all. My mom said absolutely not but my dad had other plans.

I got a call on Christmas Eve from Santa saying that I was going to get the puppy but that he had to stay with his mom for a while so I would get him around Easter time. 

In April I came home from my piano lesson and saw the tiniest red furball at the stop of our stairs. He literally could fit in the palm of my 8 year old hand. 

I took him everywhere with me besides school and Church of course. He'd go on car rides with the family, we'd take him on vacations to Park City, we'd cuddle and play with him. He was my best friend. Any trial I've ever been through, any time I've ever felt alone or just didn't want to be around anybody, I would spend time with my puppy.

I know a lot of people won't understand the relationship I had with my dog but he really got me through the absolute hardest times of my entire life. I won't go into detail about any of the major trials but in all honesty, I don't think I would've been able to handle them without being able to cuddle up to my puppy everyday and have him lick my face to tell me everything was going to be okay...

Cocoa

Born February 1999-October 2012

After the passing of Cocoa, I was and still am at times a complete mess. But because of this I've become a lot closer to the gospel. It's amazing to me how much the gospel can make me happy when I'm having a hard time. I have grown so so so much in the past 3 weeks that it's truly amazing. I'm beginning to be the happy-go-lukcy Alicia I was when I was younger. And let me tell you, it's an amazing feeling. But I know that without going to my Heavenly Father in prayer and searching for answers in the scriptures, I wouldn't have been able to get through it. His love for me is something unexplainable.

On a completely unrelated topic, I had a friend ask me if a guy really wanted to win me over, what kind of date(s) would he have to take me on. I found this question a little silly but I thought I'd share my answers.

• Since I've been having such a hard time with Cocoa passing away lately, I'd love to go to an animal shelter or adoption agency and just play with the different dogs. I LOVE dogs and I think it would be just the right medicine for me. And if a guy wanted to win me over, I think he'd have to know how much I'm hurting and want me to feel better so this would be perfect and extremely thoughtful. 
• I've never ever been on a date to temple square during Christmas time when all the lights are out. Temple Square is a very special place to me for my own personal reasons and I've always told myself that when I go to temple square for a date it's not going to be with just anybody. It's going to be with a guy that really, truly cares about me.
• I never really enjoyed high school. It was a very difficult time in my life and I didn't get asked to many school dances. The dances I did go to I felt like I only got asked out of pitty or they said yes to me simply to be nice. I'd love to get all dressed up and go to the high school dance I never got to go to and enjoy. Of course it would be super weird to go to an actual high school dance but I think it'd be really thoughtful for a guy to re-create the moment(s) that I missed out on.
• I've always thought it would be so fun to drive around town and explain to each other different memories of growing up. So I'd take him to the house I grew up in, the elementary I went to, and cute things like that. I'd only share those memories with someone special.

 

There's quite a few more but those are secret ;) 

 

 

I'm really looking forward to this week and the different adventures it's going to bring. I'm so grateful for such a wonderful family who supports and loves me. I'm so grateful for my wonderful roommates and friends that put up with so much from me. And most of all I'm grateful for the gospel in my life. I'm grateful for the happiness it brings and how much it helps me on a daily basis. 

 

Until next time....

 

I LOVE MY LIFE 

Running Through My Head

Sorry I keep posting so much! I guess I just have a lot to say!

I've been thinking SO much today about some things.

First, I'm planning on talking to my bishop in a few weeks about going on a mission. 

Yes, you read that correctly. A mission.

I have no idea what will be said, or how my sweet family will react, but I have always had the desire to go, I'm worthy to go, and watching conference this weekend has made me really think about it.

Second, let's talk about dating for a minute.

Dating is great, and a ton of fun... most of the time haha

I had an experience this past week that left me extremely confused and with the thought of "I'm just not ready to date again..."

But this thought was wrong. Because, like a couple posts ago, I'm not going to dwell on the past. Of course, I don't want to jump into anything, and I'd really like to concentrate more on school, but I refuse to let bad experiences get me down. I wouldn't even say this past week was a bad experience, as much as it was a learning experience. I hung out with an amazing guy. We got along really well, he made me laugh, and is very caring. So what went wrong? Well, rather than enjoying myself, and living in the moment, I let thoughts in my head take over. Everything was also really bad timing. Anyways, I scared the guy away. And I completely understand why. I hope he'll still want to be friends with me because he really is a good guy. I hope one day he'll realize that I had a bad week, and some of the things I said (or freaked out about) were things that I normally would never say. I feel that I'm usually a pretty chill, down to earth person. Either way, if anything, I've learned a great lesson, and also realized that there really are good guys still out there. 

Third, I've been thinking all day about serving others. I've had quite a few people on my mind lately and since talking to them throughout today, I've realized that serving others is something that I really need to continue to do. Not only does it help me to feel better, but it can eventually change the lives of others. :)

I LOVE MY LIFE

Memory Lane

I thought it might be fun to put up some pictures of me from 2009 until now. Just to prove to myself that although people still think I'm 17-18, my looks show that I've grown up a little bit :)

2009

January

February

 March

 May

 June

 July

 September

 October

 November

2010

 January

 February

 March

 May

 June

 July

 

September

 

 October

 November

 December

2011

 January

 February

 March

 April

 July

 August

 September

 October

 November

December

2012

 January

 February

 March

 April

 May

 June

 July

August

 

 September

So do I look older to anybody else? ;) 

I LOVE MY LIFE 

Enjoy the Ride

I've been meaning to post for sometime. Life just gets in the way so quickly sometimes!

I've learned more about myself this past week than I've ever learned before.

Let me elaborate on that a little bit.

I've been an emotional wreck. And not just the normal "oh she's just being a girl" type of emotional wreck. I'm talking the "that chick over there is freakin crazy" kind. All I can do now is laugh at myself but it was definitely a tough week. 

Anybody that knows me knows that I'm extremely passionate about everything I do and that I'm also sensitive. I also tend to think about the past too much and rush the future. I have this friend of mine that pretty much only saw my worst side this past week. Actually, my sweet roommates definitely saw this as well. As much as I want to take it back, all I can do is laugh, smile, and learn. Sometimes I just want things to be so perfect. But that's the great thing about my life. Nothing is ever perfect :) 

So the things I learned about myself this week are: I'm crazy (no really though), I'm WAY too sensitive, I'm so worried about everything being perfect that I don't have time to just enjoy life, I think about the past and the future too much, and I think about myself too much.

How am I going to fix this? Notice I said fix and not change. Because let me say right now, I LOVE who I am. I may not always act like it or even say it, but I do. And I refuse to change who I am, but there's always room for improvement :) As far as being crazy goes (ex boyfriends can tell you how true this is) I just need to freakin' relax. That's really all there is to it. Life is way too short to cause a big deal out of things. Life needs to be enjoyed. And enjoy it, I will. I'm sensitive. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, but I need to be able to take criticism better and realize that when people are criticizing me, it's probably out of love and concern. I'm a worrier. I've learned that sometimes life just doesn't go as planned, and that's okay. I've got to stop worrying about things, (and others at times) and just laugh, smile, and enjoy this amazing ride. I've noticed my biggest problem is that I think about the future and the past too much. I think about the past because I don't want the same things to happen and I definitely don't want to repeat it. But rather than leaving those things in the past and just from learning about it, I've been dwelling on them. I just need to stop. It's not doing anybody any good. As far as looking at the future, I also need to just stop. I really need to enjoy the present, make memories, and laugh like crazy. I've noticed I'm a very selfish person. And that stops right now. I need to serve others more.

If I start slacking on any of these things, anybody who's reading this has my permission to slap me and tell me to get back into shape (that's not supposed to be a fat joke...). 

I really do love who I am. I'm nowhere near perfect and I have so many things I need to improve on. But at least I recognize that right? I'm working to be a better person everyday. And I honestly don't care if nobody recognizes or realizes that. All that matters is that I know I'm trying my best. :)

I LOVE MY LIFE

Unanswered Prayers

This post is going to be a little more personal than most of my others.

I know I haven't written in like over a month but after tonight I knew I had to document something.

Tonight I went to dinner with my brother and our friend Camille. As we were talking and laughing an all too familiar face appeared and then sat next to me. I was in complete shock as an ex boyfriend whom I dated for almost 3 years, was my first true love, and now a married man looked at me. But I couldn't look back at him. I honestly didn't know what to think. He wasn't there to eat with us, he actually was working at the restaurant we went to. 

My brother asked him how marriage was, how he was doing, etc. but I honestly had a hard time really focusing on the conversation. All I could think about was how long it had been since this amazing young man had even looked at me, let alone talked to me, or sat next to me. It was hard... he smelt the exact same, looked the exact same, talked the exact same, and even his hand gestures while he was talking were the same. The only difference was the ring on his left hand. 

I stumbled over my words as he turned to me and asked what I was going into for a profession. I only looked at him once. I didn't realize until after that I was looking down most of the time while talking to him. He soon said it was nice to see all of us, got up, and went back to work.

As we drove Camille home, I was trying to identify how I was feeling about the whole situation. I wasn't angry or sad. I wasn't jealous or upset. I actually felt peace and contentment. Seeing the ring on his left hand didn't make me sad or jealous that I didn't have one on my left hand. But I always thought it would. Knowing that he was going home to a gorgeous, sweet, loving wife while I came home to my parents house alone in my bed didn't hurt.... it made me happy for him... seeing him, talking with him, and sitting next to him didn't make me want to be with him again... and this was far from what I expected. I always thought that if I ever did see or talk to him again, it would be awkward and we'd avoid each other.

From this experience tonight, I've realized how truly blessed I am. How much Heavenly Father loves and knows me more than I can comprehend. And how truly grateful I am for unanswered prayers. I remember dating this young man and literally pleading with Heavenly Father to let things work out because I loved this young man so much and didn't want either of us to go through heartache. I remember during the awful breakup pleading with Heavenly Father to please take the pain away even if it was just for a couple seconds. I'm so grateful that those prayers weren't answered. 

It's amazing to me how well Heavenly Father knows me. I think the reason I feel so at peace is because although the young man I saw tonight is an amazing guy, he wasn't the one for me. I've had quite a few ex's get married or engaged in the last little while (one got married today actually) and some of these young men I've prayed to Heavenly Father asking to please keep them in my life because of my feelings for them. I'm so grateful that although they are amazing young men, that they've found others to be happy with.

One unanswered prayer that I think I appreciate the most is whenever I've had a breakup, or my heart is just aching so much, when I plead with Heavenly Father to take the pain away and He doesn't. Of course we have our Savior, Jesus Christ who knows exactly what we're going through and that has always helped. But I've definitely had to learn how to be patient. Back in high school, and even a couple guys in college have taken me years to get over. And it's not because Heavenly Father wanted me to be in pain. It's because I needed to learn something. And I've learned a lot.

I'm grateful for where I'm at today. No I don't have a boyfriend/fiance/husband. But ya know what? I'm happy. No, seriously. I really am happy. It brings a smile to my face to look back at all those times of complete misery and realize how much happier I am now that those prayers were unanswered. Guess the big guy upstairs really knows what he's doin eh? :)

Now to the normal stuff:

Living at home for the 7 week break has been good and bad. I've enjoyed spending time with family and I'm working at a warehouse called KSG. I'm getting nervous for school to start back up again but I think it'll be good for me :) I've had fun hanging out with Kira and my other friends. Jessica got married on Tuesday and that was definitely a fun day for me! Tinesha got married yesterday and that was fun to see her too! :)

I sure didn't write a lot with the everyday, normal things going on in my life but hey, there's really not much going on! :)

Sometimes we don't understand why we're going through something. But tonight was a big reminder that everything happens for a reason and I just need to have faith in God's plan for me. Because He knows me better than anyone or anything else. And I really really need Him and His beautiful gospel in my life. 

 

July 10, 2012

Wow, has it already been almost a month since I last posted?

Sorry guys! Life just gets so crazy sometimes!

Things have been ridiculously great in my life lately. Of course I have daily struggles and trials but life is just so amazing ya know? 

For the Fourth of July I was planning on staying here in Rexburg. We only had Wednesday off so I figured I'd spend most of the day doing homework. I found out on Tuesday morning that my early morning Thursday class was canceled. I called my dad after class on Tuesday around 5:00 and told him that I didn't have class until 11:30 on Thursday. He got really excited and asked me to please come home for the holiday. How could I say no to that? :)

When I got home I rushed in to my sweet puppy who greeted me with lots of kisses. It was so nice outside that I sat him on my lap while I sat in the porch swing on our back deck. Man do I love that dog. It gets harder for me to see him every time I go home though. I got Cocoa when I was 8 years old. His old eyes are becoming so cloudy and he has a difficult time jumping onto the couch to lay in his favorite spot. I even had to carry him up and down the stairs to and from my bedroom a couple times. When I left Thursday morning I held him and just cried. Dad tells me that Cocoa will be around for at least a couple more years. But for whatever the reason I just kept praying that he'd still be around when I got home at the end of the semester. Nobody has loved me as unconditionally as Cocoa has. Through all the heartaches, tears, and happy times, he's never let me down. 

I spent Tuesday night with my dad. We stayed up late watching TV together eating barbeque chips and Dr. Pepper. I loved every minute of it.

Wednesday morning I woke up to my best friend/brother Austin clapping his hands and saying "GET UP!!!!! It's 11:30!!!! LAZY HEAD GET OUT OF BED!!!" hahaha I must say it's so annoying at the time, but when I'm not home, I really miss it. I got up and got ready, then Dad, Debb, Maddi, Austin and I went to Wendy's. There's nothing more patriotic than getting some good ol' Wendy's right? Austin and I feed off each other way to much. If he has a comment, I come right back with a better comment. I punch him on the shoulder, run down the hall, and he chases me, doesn't even get a chance to get me back before I'm yelling "Daddy!!! Austin's being mean!" To which Dad yells down the hall "Austin, leave your sister alone please!" haha works every time :) I'm so excited to be home for 7 weeks to get to hang out with him!

We went to a barbeque at Grandma and Grandpa Wood's house which was a lot of fun! Then we went to mom's house and spent time with the rest of our siblings. The newest addition of our family Daxton is so stinkin' cute!! He's walking around and jabbering up a storm! It was so fun to play with Landon and Connor as well! 

I watched fireworks with some old friends from high school Carter Fawcett and Eddie Freeman. That was sure a lot of fun :) 

Thursday morning I made the journey back to Rexburg just in time to go to trigonometry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My life has changed so much.

Sunday was a very emotional day for me.

First, there's been some contention in my apartment lately. 

This has been really difficult for me and I've learned a lot from it. 

I've learned that it doesn't matter what's happened in the past, it doesn't matter how somebody else acts, it doesn't matter how somebody else treats me. All that matters is how I act, how I treat others, and continue to be the best person I can be every single day. I can't control how others treat me or how other people feel about me. All I can do is love them, do my best to serve them, respect them, and help them in any way that I can. 

Sunday morning I walked into Relief Society with so much contention in my heart. I prayed but the bad feelings didn't go away. The feelings were so overwhelming that I couldn't stand them. I got up, tapped my roommate Jaqci (who is also the relief society president) and the shoulder and asked if she'd talk with me in the hall. We talked for a little about how I was feeling and told her I needed the Spirit in my life. So after relief society my roommates and I went into a classroom and talked through some things. Not everything was resolved but I didn't feel as badly as I did before. 

I was able to take the sacrament and renew my covenants with Heavenly Father. I learned so much from the speakers, and later was able to get a temple recommend. 

Later that night a friend of mine asked if I wanted to get together for a while. So while I got ready I listened to a talk by President Monson. I got this idea from my roommate Jaqci. Did you know that you can download tons of talks on itunes for free? Listening to talks throughout the day has helped me so much. Whether I'm getting ready, cleaning my room, or driving, the more I listen to church talks, the more the Spirit stays with me. I currently have 199 talks downloaded :)

I had a fun time hanging out with my friend and talked with Jaqci a little when I got home.

I woke up feeling very discouraged today.  I didn't like what I saw when looking in the mirror. I didn't have much time to get ready for class. And it took everything I had to move along with my day. All day long I couldn't stop thinking about dating. I kept thinking, should I be dating right now? Am I ready for it? I haven't done much dating at all since December. I really am okay being alone most of the time. I'm pretty independent and am simply content. I think the reason why it was on my mind all day was because I had a dream last night I was dating someone. It was really nice. Sigh.... all I know is that when everything is supposed to happen it will, and as long as I'm living the gospel, everything will be okay. I'm not worried about it :)

I'm so grateful for the blessings and trials that I have. Just little things like having a bed to sleep in, shoes to wear, clean water, and modern medicine are such amazing, wonderful blessings. Trials as simple as being discouraged when I look in the mirror, having trouble with my math homework or trials as difficult as death of loved ones, family members and friends straying from the gospel, and heart ache teach me so many lessons that Heavenly Father wants and needs me to learn. 

I was thinking this week about the life that Christ lived. Christ had so many that disliked Him, criticized Him, and even crucified Him. But through all of this did He ever once say a single mean word to anyone? Did He gossip, lie, or give up? No He didn't. It's difficult for me when people do or say mean things, and I want to retaliate but then I think of Christ and am striving to be more like Him. Of course it's something that I have to work at daily but it's always wonderful to keep it in mind. 

Another wonderful thing about Christ and His life that helps me strive to be more like Him is temptation. Sometimes my mind wanders. Sometimes I think about how my life has been in the past or something that I'm tempted to do that's not good. Don't get me wrong, now that I have the gospel in my life I will NEVER go back to how I used to be. I will NEVER do anything to jeopardize having the Spirit and the gospel in my life every single day. It's not worth it. ever. But it's so comforting to know that when Christ lived here he also had temptation. But He never gave in to temptation. How amazing is that?! Whenever I'm tempted I think to myself "Did Christ give in to temptation?" Again, I'm just doing my best to be more like Him.

I know that Christ is with me every step of the way through this crazy adventure called life. And when I feel like I can't stand it anymore, he'll carry me through.

 I know that the gospel is true. I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me. I know that one day a worthy priesthood holder will make me the happiest woman and together we'll be sealed for all time and eternity with the gospel as the center of our relationship. I know that the Book of Mormon is true and that Joseph Smith was a true prophet. I know that everything happens for a reason and that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. I'm so blessed to have the family and friends that I do. Life is so amazing and wonderful!

Well, that's all for now. I have to get up early tomorrow because I have a big day ahead of me. 

Wanna know why?

I'm going to the temple :) 

I LOVE MY LIFE