A lot has happened since I last posted. I hate when I stop posting for a while because it seems like when I finally get around to it, I have a million things to catch up on.
First of all, I dyed my hair! I decided it was time for a change with a lot of different things but I first wanted to start with my appearance. I now have reddish/brown hair and love it! Most people think I look about 20 instead of 17 or 18 now! haha
I had a great 22nd birthday thanks to my family and friends. My mom came up to Idaho for the weekend and we went shopping, out to dinner, and to a movie. It was so great to be able to spend time with her! My roommates bought me presents and decorated the living room. They're seriously so great :)
Me and my mom
Camille, AJ, Bre, Emilee, and Megan celebrating my birthday with me!
That next weekend my brother Austin was in town for business so we took my Grandpa Frandsen out for dinner. Can I just say how much I love my brother? He's my rock. He's my best friend. And I honestly have absolutely no idea how I could have gotten where I am today without him.
Myself and Austin at the Utah vs. BYU football game
Something that I've debated whether or not to write about is my sweet puppy Cocoa....
I got a phone call from my dad on a Tuesday telling me that he had taken Cocoa into the vet because he was acting a little funny. The results were really hard for me to accept. The vet said that Cocoa's liver and kidneys had failed and that he was almost completely blind and that he was in a lot of pain. My dad left the choice up to me of whether or not I wanted to come home to say my goodbyes.
There's few times I ever remember crying as hard as I did that week. One of them being when my parents got divorced, when my dad told me he was getting remarried, and when I got my heart broken two years ago. I literally came home to my apartment, laid on my bedroom floor and sobbed for a good hour. Throughout the week I'd randomly start sobbing and one night my sweet roommates even went to a boys apartment complex, knocked on a random door, and asked two guys to come give me a blessing.
That Friday night my amazing roommate Camille drove me to Utah and when I got to my house I didn't grab anything from the car. I just ran inside as fast as I could to see my puppy. I spent all night long with him. Just the two of us. I cried a lot, but just like always, Cocoa didn't leave my side. He never did when he knew I was sad.
(I'm leaving out a lot of detail simply because I've written everything down in my journal already and that friday night and saturday are very personal and sacred to me)
The next day (saturday) I spent some more time with Cocoa. I hopped in the car holding him while my dad was driving. I tried to take in every minute of Cocoa's last car ride. He looked out the window like he always did...
We got to the vet and I took off his collar before we got out of the car. We walked into the vet when he immediately started shaking. The vet was really busy so I went off into my own little corner holding Coca while my dad waited to talk to the receptionist. As I held Cocoa I talked to him. I thanked him for everything he had gotten me through and let him know how grateful I was that he held on as long as he did so I could be there. I said I lot more but again, it's really personal.
The receptionist called us into the room where I couldn't seem to stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. She brought in a scale and asked me to place him on it so we could see how much he weighed. I put him on the scale and told him to sit as I heard my dad tell him "good boy" for the last time.
The vet and a nurse came in and explained the procedure. The nurse asked me to hand her Cocoa and when I went to give him to her he wrapped his little paws around my arm. But I had to resist and handed her Cocoa. The vet cleaned off a part of his vein on his front right let and injected the needle. It broke my heart to watch Cocoa wince and try to get away from the pain... and within about two seconds his little furry body went completely lifeless and limp has the nurse gently laid him on a towel that was placed on the counter. And that's when I completely lost it. I petted his red/brown coat of fur for the last time, and then ran out crying....
I know it might seem weird to people about how much I mourn the loss of my dog. But let me tell you a little bit about my relationship with him.
When I was younger, my older sister had her own friends and my brothers Trever and Austin were always together and I tended to just play by myself. When I was 8 years old and Christmas time came around I wrote on my Christmas list that I had tried really hard to be good that year and be especially nice to Austin (we absolutely hated each other when we were younger) and that all I wanted for Christmas was a puppy and if I couldn't have a puppy then I didn't want any presents or anything at all. My mom said absolutely not but my dad had other plans.
I got a call on Christmas Eve from Santa saying that I was going to get the puppy but that he had to stay with his mom for a while so I would get him around Easter time.
In April I came home from my piano lesson and saw the tiniest red furball at the stop of our stairs. He literally could fit in the palm of my 8 year old hand.
I took him everywhere with me besides school and Church of course. He'd go on car rides with the family, we'd take him on vacations to Park City, we'd cuddle and play with him. He was my best friend. Any trial I've ever been through, any time I've ever felt alone or just didn't want to be around anybody, I would spend time with my puppy.
I know a lot of people won't understand the relationship I had with my dog but he really got me through the absolute hardest times of my entire life. I won't go into detail about any of the major trials but in all honesty, I don't think I would've been able to handle them without being able to cuddle up to my puppy everyday and have him lick my face to tell me everything was going to be okay...
Cocoa
Born February 1999-October 2012
After the passing of Cocoa, I was and still am at times a complete mess. But because of this I've become a lot closer to the gospel. It's amazing to me how much the gospel can make me happy when I'm having a hard time. I have grown so so so much in the past 3 weeks that it's truly amazing. I'm beginning to be the happy-go-lukcy Alicia I was when I was younger. And let me tell you, it's an amazing feeling. But I know that without going to my Heavenly Father in prayer and searching for answers in the scriptures, I wouldn't have been able to get through it. His love for me is something unexplainable.
On a completely unrelated topic, I had a friend ask me if a guy really wanted to win me over, what kind of date(s) would he have to take me on. I found this question a little silly but I thought I'd share my answers.
- Since I've been having such a hard time with Cocoa passing away lately, I'd love to go to an animal shelter or adoption agency and just play with the different dogs. I LOVE dogs and I think it would be just the right medicine for me. And if a guy wanted to win me over, I think he'd have to know how much I'm hurting and want me to feel better so this would be perfect and extremely thoughtful.
- I've never ever been on a date to temple square during Christmas time when all the lights are out. Temple Square is a very special place to me for my own personal reasons and I've always told myself that when I go to temple square for a date it's not going to be with just anybody. It's going to be with a guy that really, truly cares about me.
- I never really enjoyed high school. It was a very difficult time in my life and I didn't get asked to many school dances. The dances I did go to I felt like I only got asked out of pitty or they said yes to me simply to be nice. I'd love to get all dressed up and go to the high school dance I never got to go to and enjoy. Of course it would be super weird to go to an actual high school dance but I think it'd be really thoughtful for a guy to re-create the moment(s) that I missed out on.
- I've always thought it would be so fun to drive around town and explain to each other different memories of growing up. So I'd take him to the house I grew up in, the elementary I went to, and cute things like that. I'd only share those memories with someone special.
There's quite a few more but those are secret ;)
I'm really looking forward to this week and the different adventures it's going to bring. I'm so grateful for such a wonderful family who supports and loves me. I'm so grateful for my wonderful roommates and friends that put up with so much from me. And most of all I'm grateful for the gospel in my life. I'm grateful for the happiness it brings and how much it helps me on a daily basis.
Until next time....
I LOVE MY LIFE
