There has been a series of questions all related to one topic that seems to be on everyone's mind lately.
But before I address this, I need to give a little background info.
I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Or in terms of slang: a Mormon. (If you want to learn more about my religion, click here www.mormon.org)
I'm also from the state of Utah.
Both the culture of my religion, and where I'm from are pretty different.
For example, it's extremely common for women to get married as young as 18 and men as young as 21. In fact, I feel comfortable saying it's the norm for women to marry between the ages of 19-21 and men to marry between the ages of 21-24.
Now, let's get to the questions I've been asked in the past 2 years.
These questions consist of:
- You're 23 and not married?! What's wrong with you?... (Seriously someone said this)
- Why aren't you married yet?
- Do you like being single?
- Are you single because you choose to be?
- Is it difficult being a student at BYU-Idaho and being your age not married?
- Is there a benefit to being "older" and not married?
And the list goes on with questions similar to this.
There are many ways that I can answer these questions.
I'll warn you now, this post is going to involve what I believe in personally and religiously. If this offends you, or you don't feel comfortable in regards to religion, feel free to stop reading now.
First of all, I don't think 23 years of age is old... AT ALL. But like I said, it's not really the norm to be 23 and not married in my culture.
Growing up, I always thought I'd get married at the young age of 19 or 20 at most. And when that didn't happen, I beat myself up wondering what was wrong with me and why guys didn't want to be with me. I didn't realize then the important lessons I still needed to learn, and that my worth was/is greater than I was giving credit for.
Here comes the answers to those questions:
What's wrong with me? Why am I not married yet?
I kind of have to laugh at this first question because we all have our flaws and weaknesses. I can list off a number of things that I think are wrong with me but what good will that do? I know I'm constantly growing and have challenges and trials I must overcome. But I KNOW with the help of my Heavenly Father, I can get through my adversities. So what exactly is wrong with me then? My answer to this is that well, I'm human.
I personally believe that Heavenly Father has a specific time for me in my life that I'm supposed to get married. I like to imagine Heavenly Father having a timeline of my life on a long scroll of parchment, with every blessing, trial, and major life event on it. Although there has been a couple of times in my life that I was positive I knew for sure I was supposed to marry a certain man, I think Heavenly Father labeled that part on my timeline "Growing experience, difficult trial, heartbreak for a reason". This may sound a bit silly to you, but I honestly believe that I'm not married yet because it's not my time.
Do I like being single? Am I single because I choose to be?
Yes and kind of yes.
I'm not going to lie and tell you that I don't have my bad days. Because, trust me I do. I'll get more into that later. But for the most part, I do enjoy being single. Not that I wouldn't want a man in my life right now but like I said earlier, it's just not my time. I believe in healing almost completely from a heartbreak in order to pursue new love. I'm still recovering from my last heartbreak right now and feel that if I got into a relationship at this time, it wouldn't be fair to myself or the guy. So I would say yes, I'm single because I choose to be. I don't know how difficult getting a boyfriend would be at the moment. But I try to not think about it because right now I'm focusing on other things in my life so that time can heal me and help me prepare for another relationship.
Is it difficult being my age, and a student at BYU-Idaho and not married?
For those of you who don't know, BYU-Idaho is sometimes nicknamed BYU-I do because a lot of students here get married while in attendance.
Yes, it is difficult.
It's difficult because I'm labeled as "old" here. I've been the oldest in my apartment the last two semesters, and by two years. (I'm 23, the next oldest roommate is almost 21). It's also difficult because some of the men here don't like dating girls of my age. For example, more times than I can count, I've had a guy ask for my number or even out on a date and when they find out my age, they're shocked and try to explain in a nice but awkward way that they don't want to go on a date with someone "that old". So why do these guys ask me out in the first place you ask? Well, I may be 23, but I look about 19 on most days.
It also seems all over campus there are lovey-dovey couples. You'd think this could be avoided perhaps by finding another route to classes but nope. Seriously, couples are EVERYWHERE. This can become discouraging as I notice the space between my fingers are lonely and wishing I was holding hands with the man of my dreams.
Every conversation in Church, at church activities, and campus seem to revolve around relationships as well.
Is there a benefit to being "older" and not married?
Yes.
Let me help you understand. I'm not even close to the same person now that I was when I was 19, or 20, or even 21. Every year that goes by, I grow more and more. I gain more experience, I learn more, I understand more, my testimony grows immensely, and I figure out a little bit more about myself. I've had over 40 different roommates since being in college. And this has helped me because I've had to learn to live with, (and hopefully love) 40 different types of girls from 40 different backgrounds. Because of this, my patience and loving capabilities are a million times more now than what they were 4 years ago. I fear that my 19 year old self would've been extremely impatient, frustrated, and rude with a husband who left his dirty socks on the floor every night before getting into bed. But now I think it'd be one of those little quirks that would make me love him. And I would patiently and lovingly simply put those socks into the hamper, kiss him on the forehead, and remind him how appreciative I am of him working so hard everyday and taking care of me. See the difference?
Being 23 years old, I've watched all of my closest friends get married, and some even have children. I consider this an amazing blessing because after being involved in their weddings, I now have these amazing sisters to help me know what I should and shouldn't include for my wedding. I'll have lots of advice and counsel when it comes to that special day and for when I have children of my own.
I'm sure you've noticed that I've kept a somewhat positive and optimistic attitude throughout all of this. Don't let this fool you. I still get sad and discouraged. I still cry occasionally. I still have doubts and wonder why things haven't worked out with anyone yet. I have a hard time wondering if my wedding day is even going to be special because everyone else has already experienced their big day and has moved on to the next chapter in their lives having kids and their little families. I still pin stuff on my wedding board on pinterest and wonder what I'll look like in my wedding dress. Some nights I think about the guy(s) I like and cry myself to sleep feeling like they'll never love a girl like me. And on my really bad days, I want to run through the couples holding hands like a kid playing red rover or send myself a "good morning beautiful" text just to make myself feel better.
I have no idea when I'll meet "the one" and get married. Perhaps I'll meet him next week. Perhaps it won't be until I'm in my 60s. But I know that as long as I keep doing what I know is right, and have a strong relationship with my Heavenly Father, everything is going to be just fine. For right now, I plan on living a happy, healthy life filled with large amounts of laughter. Life is much too short to be angry, sad, jealous, or bitter. I'm truly happy for the couples out there who have found their forever. It helps me realize that true love does really exist and how amazing the plan of salvation really is.
Although I definitely have my bad days, I'm so grateful for the gospel and the plan I know Heavenly Father has for me. I'm so grateful for the lessons and experiences I've learned and gained over the short 23 years I've been here. I'm looking forward to the adventures and lessons that await me in the near future and know that there's nothing given to me that I can't handle. I'm grateful for love. I'm grateful for trials. And I'm grateful for my wonderful, blessed, and happy life. At the end of the day, I'm grateful for the heartbreaks I've been through and the lessons I've taken away from them.
I love my life
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